Week 2 Day 3

Luke 3:21-37

Jesus' Baptism and Genealogy

• v. 21 "And as he was praying, heaven was opened and the Holy Spirit descended on him in bodily form like a dove.  And a voice came from heaven:  "You are my Son, who I love; with you I am well pleased."

As Jesus was praying the Father spoke to him.  How often do I miss what the Father wants to say to me because I'm not talking (praying) to him.  It's hard to talk with someone that is ignoring you.

Genealogy - seems boring but it actually shows God's faithfulness.  Through generations and generations men were instructed and love in preparation for the Son of God.  Our family history is important. Perhaps some of us have difficult fathers...mine was an alcoholic while I was living at home...but he loved the Lord and recovered from alcoholism  before he died. My children never knew him as an alcoholic.  If it was important enough for God to say to Jesus, "I love you" then our human children also need to hear this affirmation from us. Tell your children you love them!

Lord, help Lonnie and I to raise, continue to invest in, our adult children. They carry our DNA into future generations that only you can see. Help us to point them to you. To never miss an opportunity to tell them we love them! I praise you that you have taught us, and guided us, in how to parent them.  Also, thank you for desiring to speak to me every moment. Help me to be in connection with you and make that effort to hear from you.  It is vital to my existence. Amen

Week 2 Day 1

Luke 3:1-20

John the Baptist makes the way for Jesus. He is clear that he is not the Messiah.  When he teaches people about  being judged and like fruitless trees cut down,  the people begin to ask..."What should we do?" John's response is on actions...actions that demonstrate love and grace.  But, he goes on to tell them one will come that will baptize with the Holy Spirit and fire. 

• Actions do not replace a spiritual experience with the Father. We can be good caring people and not have experienced a life change and the Holy Spirit living in us.

Father,
Help me to remember my spiritual connection with you is vital. If I don't spend time with you then I will shrivel up and become a person of good deeds. I want to be a person in spiritual connection with you.
Amen

Week 1 Day 7

Community-Fuse Service

Last night we went to FUSE service. The message was centered on Community and why we desire community in our lives. A couple of important points:

• In the beginning ...God is  God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit.
• God created us ..."in our image"   God is in relationship and community a the trinity
• When mankind experienced the "Fall" in the Garden of Eden our intimate, perfect relationship with God was severed.  We have an inner desire for that type of relationship and will try to fill it in various ways. The only real way to fill that void is to have the relationship with God.
• I believe when God created us to desire community...it is what prompts us to share the Gospel...to care about others and want them to be with us in eternity. If I didn't care, was self focused and content to be alone, then I wouldn't build relationships that would afford me the opportunity to share Christ. Relational collateral, I believe, is huge in evangelism and discipleship.

Father,
Help us to see the importance of community and being with others...not just for our fun but for your purposes also.  Help me not to so busy that I miss this important piece of how you created me.
Amen

Week 1 Day 5

Luke 2: 1-52

I love this peek into Jesus' life. He is a boy, age 12. His family has traveled to Jerusalem for festival and are returning home. We have to remember that men traveled in the front together and women with the children in the back. Jesus was in-between age so it would have been ok for him to be either place. 

Three things stand out to me as read this passage this time:

• v51  The second time that it is mentioned..."But his mother treasured all these things in her heart."  As a mother I need to capture and treasure moments in my heart that involve our children. I don't know the future of their lives. Every moment and experience with them is a gift.
• v 52. Jesus grew just like children today grow...in wisdom (intellectually) and stature (physically) in favor with God (spiritually) and man (socially).  
• Jesus was at the temple. It was a safe place. 

Lord,
Help us to know what you would have us to do as cross-cultural workers to make the churches safe-zones for children and to meet their developing needs. Children you know but we have yet to meet.  Give us your eyes and wisdom, Father.  As we begin our transition help me specifically to capture special moments and conversations with our own children in my heart. To have a place I can draw from in the hard moments once we arrive in country and I miss them terribly. Mary didn't know what was coming for her son. She treasured moments that as a mother I am sure were priceless.
Amen

Week 1 Day 5

Luke 2:25-40

Simeon and Anna. Old. Faithful. Waiting. What stands out in this scripture to me? They were faithful and never gave up. They trusted the Lord's faithfulness and God honored them. They saw the Messiah and blessed his parents. 

Also,

• vv. 37-37   "and then was a widow until she was eighty-four.  She never left the temple but worshipped night and day, fasting and praying. Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem."

Anna never remarried. Instead she committed her life to prayer and fasting. It's been such a long time since I've seriously fasted. Not seriously as in length...but in focus and purpose.  That's what I'm going to think about today... the spiritual discipline of fasting and how God would have me implement that into my life again. So that like Anna, I will be ready when God has a task before me...at that very moment.

Lord, help me to grow in my spiritual disciplines...not out of desire for pure habit but out of desire to be closer to your heartbeat...so that I won't miss your moments for me. In our retirement we are going to serve you. We are not as old as Simeon and Anna...but we are older and wiser then we were. Help us to grow in our wisdom and knowledge of you through our time together in prayer and worship.  Use us for your moments.  Amen

Week 1 Day 4

Luke 2:1-14

I can't count the number of times I've read the account of Jesus' birth. Believing, however, that the Lord's word is alive, real, and always teaching through the Holy Spirit's leading I was anticipating what I would "underline" this day.  The Lord never fails.

• In v. 7 "..., because there was no room for them in the inn."
• Is this me? Is there no room for the Messiah in my life because I am too busy filling it up with other things...some good things?  As Joseph knocked on doors does the Lord knock on my heart only to hear me say, "I don't have room for you in my life today."  Sadly, I do say that. I allow my calendar to fill up with good things, people, events, responsibilities...so that when the opportunity arises for me help someone...I don't have time.  Sometimes I don't even see the need I've become so busy.
• God had Joseph and 9 month pregnant Mary travel by donkey for 70 miles so that Jesus birth would be in the location fore told.
•  Seriously God, you could have had them go earlier and just stay there...talk about just in the nick of time. Poor Mary...words that would come to my mind, "It's not fair"..."It's not suppose to be this way."   God, even here the circumstances were not important to you...all things are according to your time...not ours.  

Lord, even in the birth of your Son you were not so much concerned about our physical comfort and peace of mind.  Mary had to be uncomfortable in the journey on a donkey, birthing in a barn with animals and all that go with them.  Help me to accept the plans and timing you have for our lives.  You chose this time for Mary and  the place for Jesus' birth. A sign of humble beginnings...a servant's heart. It all had eternal purpose.  Help me to remember this when I begin to fret and complain about my circumstances. May I repeat as Mary did, "I am the Lord's Servant." Help me to remember this even with our children. The challenges  I see them endure. I trust you Lord that you are working all things for their good.  Amen

Week 1 Day 3

Luke 1:46-80

Mary praises God for her pregnancy, Zechariah praises the Lord, and John the Baptist is born.

Mary says:

• v 50. His mercy extends to those who fear him from generation to generation
• v 53. he has filled the hungry with good things.

Zechariah prays:

• v. 74. "...and to enable us to serve him without fear..."

Lord, help us to impact the generations, children, that will teach their children about you. May their hungry souls be filled with the goodness of you. May their physical stomachs be filled with food. Help us to meet their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. As Zechariah prayed for his son John, I also ask that I am able to serve you  with out fear. Without fear of the unknown:  how will we live, will we have enough support, what will we do, will we be accepted by the Pastors, what will we actually do to impact the lives of children, can I emotionally handle seeing the hurt, pain, death?  Father, enable us to move in your will without fear.  Amen.

Luke: Week 1-Days 1 & 2

Starting a study of Luke with Coastal. Each day we will read a section of Luke and respond. This will take us through January.  I will record each day what stands out to me in the passage, what I hear God saying to me through the passage, and my prayer response.

Week 1 Day 1
Luke 1:1-25
What struck me was the fact that Zachariah, a Priest serving in the temple, sees an angle that tells him his prayer has been heard and will be answered. The circumstances, life circumstances, seem to make his prayer request impossible to answer, so Zachariah asks in verse 18 "How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years."

The Priest in the presence of the angle Gabriel still had difficulty grasping the divine and miraculous in his finite human mind. 

Lord, help my wavering faith when it comes to our ability to go to South Africa to serve you. We know the call and we see you at work. Yet, I still struggle with the practicality of all the pieces coming together.  I am trusting in you Father and I know you will deliver us. Amen


Week 1 Day 2
Luke 1:26-45

Gabriel visits Mary to tell her she will give birth to Jesus.  Mary's reactions went from

• v.29 " Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be."

to

• v. 38 "I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." Then the angel left her.

to other's seeing something in her belief

• v. 45 "Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!"

Lord, there are times I'm troubled with what you say to me...but my prayer is that I will always respond as Mary did..."I am your servant"  and that others will see in me my faith and confidence in you.  May my life be a testimony of your faithfulness.  It will be accomplished in our lives as you have ordained!  Amen

Day 147: One Step Changed My World

It was the end of July...the last Thursday to be exact. After a great day of VBS I was taking the trash to the dumpster, then in a moment found myself on the pavement looking at ankles that didn't look "normal."  I had tripped off the curb,dislocated my ankle, broke my leg-ankle-foot and seriously sprained the "good one."  It's been a long recovery with surgery, plates, screws, wheel chairs, crutches, braces, and therapy. Being non-weight bearing for 7 weeks was humbling and a challenge.

People ask, "Do you think God did this to get you to slow down?"  I have to chuckle inside.

I don't think that is what my major reminders and  learning have been over the past months. My life lessons have been:

• Lonnie is the living example of "in sickness" as he cared for me without one single grumble for weeks on end.
• Your life can change in a flash.
• It didn't take much to derail my spiritual routine.
• There are times you must depend on others.  Independence is not an option.
• Prayer is vital.
• Conversations with the Lord are continual throughout the day.
• The "church" comes in human form. It is a living, breathing, loving organism.
• Handicap restrooms aren't as accessible as some may assume.
• Mission work can go on...with the help of lifelong friends and determined heart.

Could this have been a spiritual attack? Yes, it absolutely could have been. However, with the Lord always there, and my desire to lean in even closer to his heartbeat, we made it through the long and busy networking month of August. We were able to visit churches and associations to share with them the passion God has placed in our hearts to tell the "least of these", children living alone in squatter camps and townships as orphans, about the love of Jesus.

Here I am, Lord, send me...wheelchair, crutches, braces...send me.

And He did!

Day 146: Confirmed- We are crazy!

Reading "One in a Million" and more thoughts:

• God strategically placed the Israelites in a desperate place...blocked in with backs to the Red Sea so that He could perform a miracle and demonstrate his power.  Perhaps, He has strategically placed us in this position for the same reason!
• God purposefully took the people to a time when they had no food or fresh water...God provided a miracle to give them fresh water...God provided a daily miracle to give them manna and quail...Daily what they needed.

Priscilla  Shirer writes:

Oh yes, that wilderness.  He knew your supply would run dry.  So not every feeling of emptiness is the result of your doing something wrong.  Not every growl in your spiritual stomach comes from being faithless or from doing things in the wrong order.  Sometimes it's just a test to see what (to see Who) you're really counting on to keep you satisfied, an opportunity for Him to show you His supernatural, miraculous power in your emptiness. ....His reason for showering them in manna from heaven was so they would "know that I am the LORD your God"  (p. 92)

After sharing with Lonnie the above nuggets he sent me the following email:

Today I was reading in 2 Cor 5: 13-15  where Paul says “Hey, if we look crazy, it’s just because we’re serving God against all human understanding.”  

The commentator goes on to say that ‘if you’re serving God and someone says you’re crazy, then you are in good company, because they said the same thing about Jesus.’ In Mark 3:21 they said, “He has lost his senses” and in John 10:20 “He has a demon and is insane”. Yes, it is crazy to go up to someone who hates you and tell them about the Love Jesus has for them. Yes, it’s crazy to quit your job and move somewhere you’ve never been to be a missionary. Yes, it’s crazy to abandon all worldly security to follow Jesus. Yes, it is practically psychotic to walk all over the place to tell people about the gospel when they are going to rob you, beat you, stone, you and try to kill you. But Paul says, “the love of Christ controls us. Since He died for me, I can certainly die for him.” 

So, not only do we have our toes in the water with our backs up against the wall, we are also crazy. 

 Love you

So, today I'm agreeing we are crazy and  in between  the army and the water...our toes are in the water and we need a miracle....maybe we already have it? Steady contract work from Liberty ...regular income to take care of our financial obligations here in the states.   Because we have obligations here that will require Lonnie's retirement and my Liberty income we will absolutely depend on the Lord to provide our daily manna and quail in South Africa.  It will 100% be us living on what he will provide for us.  The faith journey will be his financial provision and not ours.  It will be by his might and not ours.  As he provides we will know His desire for us to be there.

We will, we must depend on him as our Jehovah Jireh! By His power and might alone will we go!

We are "crazy" in love with our Lord.

Day 145: Wilderness

I'm enjoying "One in a Million" so much!  This morning the chapter was "Why Me?"  That's been a question on my mind and off my lips over the past 6 years. We we obedient, the best we knew to be. We are being obedient going to Africa...and yet the looming home situations cause me to think..."why us?"

A quick couple of quotes and thoughts from the book:

• He put you through hard times, He made you go hungry.  Then he fed you with manna, something neither you nor your parents knew anything about, so you would learn that men and women don't live by bread only; we live by every word that comes from God's mouth.   Deuteronomy 8:3 (MSG)
• "Figuring out the wilderness is not our job.  If we'll just yield to God's purposes for us in the wilderness, He will protect us from ourselves and prepare us for our destiny."  pg 75
• God's not cruel and often the wilderness is better then the easy path. Maybe not physically, but spiritually God teaches us about himself, hones our spiritual selves...in the wilderness.
• Moses to the people at the end of the wilderness journal. "Remember that the LORD your God led you on the entire journey these 40 years in the wilderness, so that He might humble you and test you to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep His commands." (Deut. 8:2 HCSB)

We are struggling to clearly know God's will for our financial situation as we move forward. We know that on the other side of what feels like a wilderness journey we will be stronger and know God's provision with greater depth...know his voice.  

Lord,

We are waiting to know what it is that you want us to do.  We will fight and struggle to figures that out. We can see how you would be glorified and we would be stretched and blessed in both of our options. We just need to know your will...have your peace we are making the right decisions.

Speak to us and thank you for the journey....really, God...we praise you for this season.

Amen

Day 144: Experience Him

Who is Jobette? Me (smiling). The life of Job has intrigued me for the past 6 years as we've struggled through our life challenges. My nickname to myself as challenges come up, is Jobette. A simple reminder that God allows trials and hurts into our lives.

Buy why? While reading PricillaShirer's One in a Million this morning something she wrote beamed out like a light in the pitch darkness. Shirer writes of Job:

     "Why would God lead a person like this to the wilderness?  Maybe the answer we're seeking comes at the end of Job's ordeal.  After a long, torturous run through some of the driest, dustiest conditions ever known to man, Job was able to articulate something he could never have put into these kinds of words before.  He said to the Lord, 'I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear'--back when I was safe and secure in my happy, unhurried world--'but now my eye sees You' (42:5). Now I know You by experience."

She goes on to speak of God's reasoning for leading the people in the least direct path to Canaan. Even though there was nearer route why would God take them the long way? (This is before their refusal to go into Canaan)  "The People might change their minds" (Exod. 13:17).   Change their minds means they might have regrets or a change of heart.  

Have we gone through all we did to experience first hand God's provision? We didn't loose everything! He has provided the necessities for us...and a few bonuses. We have more than heard of God's provision.

We know Him by experience.

Perhaps, OK, not perhaps...my home has been an idol in my life. I realized it when I was preaching my last series and defined an  idol as something we trust, have faith in, more then God. 

This is what I sensed God clarifying for me:  I'm not sure I trust God that I'll be able to have a nice home when I get back from Africa...what will the interest rates be? Cost of living? Where will we have to be? Where will we work to even qualify for a home? Will a short sale ruin our credit?  So I'm trusting that if I keep this home my future will be taken care ... I'm placing trust and faith  in a physical structure more so then in God.

Ahh ha! God had us fight to keep above water so we would "Know Him by experience"

It is by experience that we will continue to know him...our minds to have no regrets as we place our feet on South African soil. How freeing would that be...not to worry about mortgages here...tremendous!

Father,
You know me so well. I am a hands on learner.  Thank for your revelations and insight this morning. Continue to lead us in your path...the direction you would have us to go. To relinquish what you would have us relinquish. Or even to fight for what you would have us fight for. 
Amen

Day 143: Anxious thoughts

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts;and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way"  Psalm 139:23-24

"... You anoint my head with oil"  Psalm 23:5

Recent life lessons are focusing on my mind and outlook.  It is so difficult to stay focused and a conscious effort to look for my God in the middle of hurt and disappointment.

What are the chances? We were told within the same week that both of our mothers have breast cancer. In fact, they were both having a biopsy the same day in different locations. My mom's was discovered early and the outlook is promising. I have a peace about that. Nanny Sue's is much more advances - it had moved also to her lungs and colon. She has begun oral chemo therapy. This is a harder one to have a peace about.

The dilemma of our home situation looms heavy. The decisions hard. Short sale because both homes are upside down. How embarrassing is that to say? Horrible. To have lived in one home for 20 years...make a conscious effort not to incur needless debt...waiting for God's house for us to retire in. When we sensed God's nudging we made the move. Then the world stepped in.  Did we wrongly hear God? I don't believe we did. When I think of all the faith building we experienced and opportunities to see his provision I see his plan, his love, his provision.  Did God make a mistake? He doesn't make mistakes. My challenge...God, what do we do now? We need wisdom cloaked in faith and trust in you our Soverign God.

Africa. Two sick mommas. Two homes upside down.

Make sense?  No

What to do? Don't know

Spiritual battle. Trust God as much for the years beginning  6 years into our future after we return as much as we are trusting him now and for the 5 years on the field.

Walk away? Do we short sale and stick the mortgage company...if they will even accept a short sale.

Is this scriptural? Honorable? Are we depriving God from demonstrating himself  as Jehovah Jireh once again?

Lord,
Lead me in the everlasting way. Like the shepherd placed oil in the sheep's nostrils to prevent parasites from entering and causing the sheep's head to hurt and be distracted. Place the oil on my head so that I'm not distracted by the world...I want what you want...to know your will.  Please bring answers and remove my anxious thoughts. I don't want to take them with me to South Africa.

Your confused servant

Day 142: The Joy of The Lord

"Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!”   Nehemiah 8:10

There are times when circumstances are so crazy  you have to make a choice- cry or laugh. There are times when continued challenges are chosen to be viewed as either  the deceiver trying to rob you of all your joy and nothing more, or the Lord's opportunity to work.  Recently in one of those times we chose joy and to remember as Joseph said to his brothers, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."  (Genesis 50:20)

6:30 am on a Saturday morning -  "Mom, you'll never guess what?  I'm broke down in the middle of the intersection, pushed car to side. Tow truck on the way."   Thus we were on our way to Lynchurg to the rescue and recover a car with 170,000 miles. 18 hours later mission accomplished

Monday/Tuesday - search and find a solid and affordable used car for our girl. Praise the Lord we were blessed!

Monday one week later

• Afternoon phone call #1:  Daughter's new to her car has to be towed to dealership. Won't start. New ignition switch needed and repaired.
• Afternoon phone call #2: from daughter-in-law driving our car for work...belt broke - car needs to be towed.
• Raining - can't drive the truck because windshield wipers work sporadically.
• Waiting for tow truck in Norfolk - car we are driving to meet tow truck won't re-start. Get it going once tow company arrives and are able to drive this one home.

It seemed like one calamity after another. I actually believed at one point I couldn't take one more thing...I was ready to just jump off the ship. The final straw was the car not starting that we were waiting in to meet the tow truck to tow the other car! I said to myself...seriously...3 tow bills in one day for the Warrens...go figure!

I had to do a switch in attitude...the verse above kept coming into my mind and spirit! Thank you Lord for the joy of laughter! Knowing you are with us and we will be ok.  Knowing that we may endure much greater challenges in Africa. Can we laugh and maintain our focus then? This is a preparation season. Praying the Lord will allow our two vehicles to last 11 more months...Lord, please...11 more months.

The passage from Nehemiah is well known. What may not be so well known is the people have been crying and wailing as they have listened to the God's word being read. The prophet tells them...stop crying...go and be merry.  It's good to be broken and convicted by God's word.  There are, however, times when it is better to rejoice in the Lord and it is just the joy of his presence and knowing he is in control, he sees, and he cares, that causes us to laugh.

Laugh I did!

Day 141: Jehovah-jireh

My tendency is to focus on what needs to be done, what we need, what the challenges are, etc.  Instead of focusing on what God has done and is currently doing.  Why am I that way?

This week I have had two opportunities to hear how God provides Daily. First,  JD, our Ex. Pastor, was leading devotion and spoke of the Israelites daily Manna and Quail.  God providing just enough for that day. They couldn't stock up...expect on the eve of the Sabbath so they could rest on the Sabbath, otherwise the manna and quail would spoil.  Daily provision.  The connection was also made to our daily time with the Father. We will go through an intense season of QT's and then the pace of life picks up so we slack off thinking we have enough to keep us going. But, in reality, that's not the case. We need daily time and feeding from the Lord.

Second was at our ladies Bible study this week one member had her mother that is visiting from out of state with her. Her name is also Debbie. Debbie for several years was on staff as the Missions Pastor for her church. She went through the tragedy of losing a 21 year old daughter to cancer in the matter of a few months.  I don't want to forget one thing Debbie said, "God taught me that he is giving me grace for this day...just this day." 

On top of these two occurrences, I'm reviewing the names of God from the Bible study and am struck by El Shaddai - all sufficient one. Some scholars believe this name is connected to the life coming forth from a mother's breast to her child. The breast is all-sufficient to the child.  My thought is the child only receives the nutrition it needs for that time span and then must nurse again.  The infant can't stock up for an extended amount of time. Without regular, daily, nursing the child will whither. I need to call on El Shaddai daily or I will absolutely whither.

My Lessons ~

• Daily time with the Father is not an option...no stocking up...it is essential
• God provides what I need daily and that's what I'm to focus on. His goodness now.
• He is the God of the future...not me.

Where do I see God now?

• Lonnie completed BE I, II, and is in final stages of BE III . He is working on the ministry plan. He will have a coach for 12 weeks as he refines it.  It will be a foundation of our ministry.
• A mission partner supplied the bulk of the tuition for BE I, II, & III
• Lonnie is excited to complete the ministry plan...there is such joy in his spirit.
• LU sent me a one year contract as a full-time online professor. This means I am assured 9 classes this year and will be paid semi-monthly. In the past it has been a wait and see if I have a course and the pay is one lump sum 3 weeks after the course ends.  This is HUGE in anticipating income for the mission field. The Lord just gave assurance and regularity of income.   
• A talented web designer has volunteered offered to help me with our web page.
• God is building networks for His ministry. We had a marvelous meeting with an individual that works for a non-profit that produces Character Education curriculum for use in 3rd world countries. They are setting up an office in Pretoria, SA this summer.  This organization also has connections with JAM. JAM is another ministry we will be speaking with in regards to partnership.  We walked away excited that is weaving his ministry together!

What's my take away?  God is my daily provider...grace for this day...filling of my spirit for this day. Each morning I must do the work of seeking after Him.

Jehovah-jireh, I praise and thank you for all your provision! Amen

Day 140: Can't tell me God doesn't see me!

The Story-in a nutshell

Our daughter is moving from one townhouse into another. She needs her dad and I to come with the 1993 very faithful pickup truck to help with the move. We were scheduled to go on the Sunday of Memorial Day Weekend after worship services and come home  Memorial Day evening. Plans changed as her move-in was delayed. Instead, we left Tuesday afternoon at 2:30 planning to return Wednesday night late. The chain of events:

• Leave home at 2:30... truck is old and has no air conditioning or working radio so we are happily trucking along with the  windows down just chatting away on a hot 90 degree summer day. Actually enjoying the ride and each other.
• 30 minutes away from our destination at 6:00 p.m. Lonnie say: "Look at the speedometer...it is jumping up to 90 miles an hour...the other gauges are going crazy too...
• pull over at gas station/market...as pull in steam rolling from under the hood...this isn't good.  Seems like the alternator is fried.
• Lonnie goes in and I start praying...text Becca to pray as well as others. I pray, "Lord, help us...thanks for getting us 11 miles from Bec but please help us."
• Market lady no help...guy getting gas directs up to an Advance Auto 6 miles down road. Turn key on truck...hummm....turn again crank up....battery not dead.
• Make it to auto parts, still open..yea God!  Free check of alternators...yea God! Alternator Fried...but they have one in stock...yea God! 
• Who will repair it? Praying now for a good mechanic...not a rip off artist. Send us to a shop another 5 miles away...will it be open? will we make it? It's open and we make it...yea God!
• Shop open until 8:00 ...estimate of 7/10th of an hour to put in new alternator...it's 7:20 and they can get us in....yea God!
• Oh, my cell phone is dying...actually dead.
• Walk into a/c lounge...sit down...Gideon Bible beside me...electrical outlet beside me....Read Psalms and charge my phone...yea God!
• 8:10...on our way to Becca! 12:15 am Thursday arrive safely back at home.

Wow, My El Roi - The omnipresent God that sees me...worked it all out. We didn't travel on a Sunday or Holiday when no one would have been open...yea God!  We weren't traveling back late at night and stranded on the side of the road Wednesday night...yea God!

El Roi,
Thank you that you do see and know we need your help. Thank you for the perfect timing of this as it greatly diminished my stress.  Challenges do come but I'm so blessed that this time you were helping us out! Lord, some will say this is by chance...I know it is not. Help me to recall this event when I might doubt your love and active involvement in our lives.
Thank you my Lord, Amen

Day 139: Jehovah-The Self-Exsistent One

Kay Arthur writes: "When you need assurance that God is there, that He will keep His promises without changing-even though you have wavered in your promises to Him--run to your Jehovah.  Trust in His name. It can't change because He can't change. He is Jehovah--the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrew 13:8).  (Lord I Want to Know You, p. 50)

Jehovah, my Jehovah...forgive my melting point last night. I sunk deep in asking "Have we messed up our lives so much Lord that you can make this work? Am I such a horrible servant leader of yours that people can't see you in me?"   In the moments of  confusion, defeat...I couldn't see you. The pace is intense with the list overwhelming. I don't know how much harder to work...what else to do...and then there is the feeling of one step forward only to be shoved back 2 or even 3 steps.  From financial mountains to prepare for your calling...to leadership challenges that break my heart. The cost of leading that means I must do what is your will even when I don't understand. And what I hear in my heart is this is the cost of following you. Obedience. Pure obedience.  "Pick up your cross and follow me"

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14.

Lord, I hear your words speak into my soul.....Debbie, I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. . You said, "You are my servant, Debbie; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So, Debbie, do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strenthen you, Debbie, and help you.  I will upohold you with my righteous right hand."  Isiah 41:9-10

Amen...let it be...forgive my weary soul...fill my heart.    Thank you Father as I prayed this prayer the song below played on my iPod....You hear me...you know the whispers of my heart...you are my El Roi.

Day 138: Adonai ~ LORD

The old song, Adonai, adonai....is running through my mind. The sound of the word is soft and tender...almost a whisper in my mind. Jesus is my master...he takes care of me...I obey...as Master there are responsibilities..the shelter, food, clothing, care of. As his servant there are responsibilities...obedience, submission to his will.

Now great multitudes were going along with Him; and he turned and said to them, "If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple.  Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My Disciple.                        Luke 14:25-27

What a high price...hate is a strong word and seems to go against what numerous scriptures teach. So I did some digging and this is what I discovered:

• "What anyone who studies the verse should quickly discover, however, is that the word translated “hate” does not always mean “to despise, detest, loathe, and abhor,” which are synonymous with the general use of the word “hate” in our modern culture. Instead, the word also can include the meaning “to love less.”  Source: http://www.apologeticspress.org

Now that makes sense to me. To call my Jesus, "LORD" is to say I love all things less then you...Jesus doesn't say "hate them" he says love me more! If I am your LORD...you must lay down whatever it is that you love and love me more.

So what is it that I must love less...it was obvious as I read this passage and realized what my cross was to carry.... In going to Africa in 12 months I struggle with leaving the children here.  They are all young adults and will be employed, launched into the life God has prepared them for.  I don't struggle that they will need mommy and she not be there in the same way I struggled with being a working mom and leaving them.  I just ache because my heart wants to hear them, see them, be a part of their days and lives. Get that hug and see their smile.  I have to love them less then I love Christ. Realize as their Adonai he loves them more then I ever could.   My heart must love Christ more then my children and it is out of this love for my Adonai that I pick up my cross...the pain of separation...and walk forward.

Adonai,
I love you more. Adonai, I need your help in picking up this cross.
Amen

Day 137: El Roi~ The God who sees

Hagar said of the Lord, "You are El-roi." (Genesis 16:13) God has seen everything about her...the good and the bad (to speak), her pain and her joy. 

God sees what's going on my life and that brings assurance. Assurance that He is with me...he is Sovereign so there are no surprises, nothing He can't and won't help me through.  Assurance that He is omnipresent with our family members while we are apart. 

I received a note from a friend who is in my discipling huddle. The note is timely as it weaves together with what God is teaching me this morning.  As Jennie would say...when two things come at the same time it's like God is saying, "Debbie, pay attention."

Debbie,
  My morning devotional stirred up in my heart the need to share it with you.  When we are striving for the things in our lives that we know God has called us to do, not only does he prepare the ways for us to step out in faith to fulfill His purpose in our lives, but He also gives a grace & special ability for our families to help us in our calling, which is form Him.
  Just as He has made each one of us to fulfil His purposes, so He makes out families the way they need to be for each season. :)
  I know that you have struggled with the idea of leaving your children when you go on your mission, but I believe that God has prepared them also for being able to cope with your absence.  We are all in the hands of our Lord God & no one can take us from Him.
 <3 Jennie

El-roi,
Thank you for seeing and being near to my family, and to me. Continue to prepare all of us for your purposes in and through us. Thank you for your word and for friends like Jennie!  Amen

Day 136: A whirlwind

Life has been a whirlwind of Easter, Mother's Day, travel for conferences and recently Michael's graduation from college! So proud of him. We have him moved back home until August when he goes to Rome, Italy pursuing his dream of playing volleyball professionally. He finished his collegiate career as an All-American with two majors.  The hardest part is leaving Tracy and trusting for God's best in their relationship. They love each other so this season apart will be difficult.

Becca had to take state certification exam for teaching so couldn't attend Mike's graduation. We missed her but she was in our hearts.(Her daddy's arm is around her in the picture above:) She is saying good-bye to college friends graduating as well. Staying in Lynchburg this summer to do internships, train, rehab, summer school and work.  Changes there also.

James has applied to Seminary...back to graduate school if all goes well.

Lonnie passed his bench mark yesterday...he can officially retire from the city. He will stay another year until we have Bec through college.

Last week was a difficult leadership week for me. Perhaps the most difficult of my career.  Resting in the Lord's wisdom is all I can do.

Mission future is becoming more real with each passing week. I find myself going through the house and separating from "things"   I placed the ownership of our home(s) before the Lord. If he asks us to sell and go we will trust him with our future...He is El Elyon...Sovereign God over all. Brochure in final editing phase...budget coming together.

This passage ministered to my heart this morning with hope and purpose. Knowing my sovereign will make a way.  He made a way for Lonnie to attend a $400 training...amazing! Beginning now to equip my husband for His purposes in SA.

The verse:
Remember the former things long past, for I am God, and there is not other; I am God, and there is no one like Me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things which have not been done, saying, "My purpose will be established, and I will accomplish all My good pleasure"; calling a bird of prey from the east, the man of My purpose from a far country.  Truly I have spoken; truly I will bring it to pass.  I have planned it, surely I will do it."            Isaiah 46:9-11

Oh, Father, give me faith to trust what you, and eyes to see your hand molding our lives, providing at each step.  Help me to know your love in the difficult times. To follow when the cost of followership is high...spiritually, emotionally.  I thank you for our children...their love for you. Their character. Their Love for you.  My husband.  He is the man from the fa country. El Elynon I am thankful and trusting in you.  Amen

Day 135: Good things

Deuteronomy 28: 2
All these good things will come upon you if you will obey the Lord your God.

In one leadership model I am in the D2 phase as a disciple. I am a learner that is overwhelmed, afraid, feeling incompetent. I don't know how we will accomplish what is before us. I don't know how we will even get there. We have made the sharp turn from blissful, excited ignorance...also called unconscious incompetence...into conscious incompetence. Painful.

In Deuteronomy Moses is preparing the people to enter the promised land. They will have to fight, and fight hard to overtake it. How must they have felt? Excited? Over whelmed? Nieve? My list could go on.

In some ways we are beginning a journey into our promised land. As I read the words of Moses to God's people I found comfort. Good will come to you  ~

• in the city (Pretoria) and the country (SA)
• to your children...praise you Lord!
• the fruit of your ground and the young of your animals...in our work
• in your basket and your bread pan ... you will provide our income
• when you come in, and when you go out.....as we go and when we come back to the states. I don't have to worry about coming back and where we will live or where we will work to survive.
• the Lord will send good upon you in your storehouses ... our savings and future needs
• He will bring good to you in the Land the Lord your God gives you

and here is the condition....but you must keep the laws of the Lord your God and walk in his ways.  (v.9)

Abba,
Help us to walk in your way...to not be afraid...trapped by uncertainty, doubt, fear.  If we don't go we are disobeying you. I know this.  I also know that you make all things work together for our good and I praise you for that promise. When I am discouraged help me to refocus on you. Help me to tune out the lies and hear your truth. I thank you for your promises given in you words and to my heart.
Amen

Day 134: Seeds, Hearts, and Their Eyes

Last week we received the formal letter of invitation from Eastside asking us to come and be missionaries! Wooo Who!  And we know that when God works...so does the evil one that comes to rob and steal.
It's been a tough  week.  So much going on ministry wise, personally, and with LU teaching.  In the midst of all that...being weary ... I fully believe the attacks began from Satan. Two really strange nightmares. Lonnie receiving news his job is once again on the chopping block for city budget cuts.



Reading Luke 8: 4-15 the parables of the man who planted seeds. I was sensing God say to me...keep your focus Debbie. Some impressions:

• "Some seed feel between the rocks.  As soon as it started to grow, it dried up because it had no water."   You need to be the giver of living water to them...my word...continue to give to them.
• "Some seed feel among thorns. The thorns grew and did not give the seed room to grow."  The evil surrounding the children can choke out what I want to do...the pagan worship, crime, sin.  You will be my hands and feet to them...their anchor to me.
• "Then the devil comes and takes the Word from their hearts"   Debbie this is what can happen to the children that hear about me during holiday club. They need to continually hear how much I love them.  
• "And the fun of this life lets the thorns grow.  Their grain never becomes full-grown."    Debbie, even if one child becomes "full grown" in me this is what I'm asking.

I sensed once again the Lord asking me to visualize their eyes...their hearts.  My heart broke...

Lord,

This is worth it...the battle here. Continue to speak into my weary heart and help me fight. You are good! You are love! You love us and intend good for us. You love the boys and intend good for the boys. Be with Lonnie and I as we move towards your future for us.  Thank you that your word is alive and real today...thank you Jesus for speaking into my today through your words of yesterday.

Amen

Day 133: Warrior God

The nation of Israel had to fight their way into the Land of Promise. God promised it to them...yet they had to fight.  But our Warrior God was with them and they won. Scripture tells us they won but that win had to of come with the cost of life on their part also. Where there is war, their are causalities. Just because God is saying to move forward, fight the battle, this doesn't mean it will be without hurt and pain.

I was struck by these thoughts again as I read in Deuteronomy 2.  God tells his people go in a way but the king would not let them through. How often do I believe that if God says, "Go this way" that there is a clause giving a "free pass" to pain and hurt.

God said go and he is a loving God so surely it is the easiest way, right?

Wrong

"But Sihon king of Hesbon was not willing to let us pass through his land.  For the Lord your God made his spirit and heart hard, so He mihgt give him into your hand, as he is today.  Then the Lord said to me, 'See I have begun to give Sihon and his land to you.  Begin to take it for your won, so you may live in it....We won the fight against him, his sons and all his people."  Deuteronomy 2:30-33

Remembering that God is a Warrior God keeps me focused that this is war...God will walk with us and fight with us...what a blessing that He is The Warrior God...we will win the fight against what we can't see.

My God, thank you for the reminders this morning. When challenges come this is not a sign that you are not there...it is an opportunity to show your mighty power. Amen

Day 132: The problem demonstrates His Power

2 Corinthians 12:7 -10

7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.


Why would God call us into a ministry so far away with seemingly impossible challenges both before we get there and after? Why would there be such an uphill struggle, financially, to be prepared to live entirely on God's provision for 5 years? God is in this right?

Because in this manner He will receive all the honor. Nothing will be because of our wise choices. Nothing will be because of our education. Nothing will be because of the financial state of our economy. It will all be because of who God is...he is God of all things.

I'm beginning to see it more clearly. For the first time I notice  Paul say, " This problem was a messenger from Satan, sent to beat me and keep me from being too proud."   Satan sent it...it was a beating and boy do I feel beat...but the purpose is for God's glory to keep me from being proud.  The Lord told Paul, "My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you."  This is such an opportunity for God to shower his grace and show his mighty power. 

Father,
Thank you for your continued reminder that it is not by our power we will be on the mission field...it will be by your grace and power.  I know that when I'm there and in the dark moments of mission work it will be the miraculous power and miracle of your provision that affirms our calling there.  This financial problem will be a blessing and a reminder of our calling. It will lead us back to recall your grace.  Continue to provide even a few sections of fence...your grace.
Amen

Day 131: Shuffle Your Buns :)

There's a game we use to play when we were active in youth ministry many years ago, called "shuffle your buns."  There is a circle with one less chair then people buns. The leader calls "go" and everyone starts scooting or shuffling their buns around the circle until "Stop" and the one without a seat for their buns is out. It gets rather wild and crazy!

The point of this past memory? I'm living "shuffle your buns" but I know I'm the one that will in the future be without a chair in this circle.  I attended a telecast conference at our associational office the other week where one of the speakers said, transition = change = loss = grief therefor grieve well.     As I shuffle my buns from the second chair to the third chair I have worked through the sense of loss and  grief  and now I am emerging on the well side.  I'm excited about what God is doing in our midst and I see his timing in the details. We are shuffling our buns in relation to our roles in the lives of our children. From parent to coach to cheerleader.  I grieve here also...but am thankful for the emerging relationships and how God is using them. His plans for their futures.

My challenge? How do I stay in the moment, the here and now, for the next season of my life?  God has us here and it is here we live, love, and minister.  We are praying for joy right now. Lonnie needs joy in his work place.  I need to continue developing those I'm with now,  focusing on what I am doing now and doing it well.

All at the same time as we "Shuffle our buns" towards the next phase of our lives.

With God's help we will do well.  Psalm 60:12

Abba,
We will do well but only with your help. Thank you for helping us see you are work around us. Help us to see you at work in the personal details of our lives...finances, housing decisions, to-do lists.  Oh! God thank you our neighbor put up a section of his fence that needed to be replaced so badly! Check...you took care of that one!  Yes! The details, Lord. The small things that we can so easily miss.  I love it when you show me yourself in the smallest of details.  Thank you for your help....continue to help us shuffle our buns well.

Amen.

Day 130: Peace

There is a peace that is emerging today. As I begin to put together our prayer partner list and letter, and a pacing/countdown calender, I am experiencing a sense of peace and anticipation. Each time I repeat the date and hear the countdown months it brings less anxiety. 

I was reading a Psalm this morning...praying it for Becca as she takes a big test, and also praying it for myself.

"But as for me, I will sing of Your strength. Yes, I will sing with joy of Your loving-kindness in the morning.  For You have been a strong and safe place for me in times of trouble. O my Strength, I will sing praises to You.  For God is my strong-place and the God Who shows me loving-kindness."  Psalm 59:16, 17

Father,
I appreciate your peace and the joy of being in your will.  Even when I have a meltdown in the evening you awaken me with a joy and a hope in the morning.  Help me to remember that you are our strength...I trust you with the details.
Amen

Day 129: Urgh!

After a 2 hour time of discussing steps towards our future with two wise men, Lonnie so elequently says, "If you're scared, just say you're scared."  Well, I'm scared. Lord I don't feel prepared. Lord, I don't feel adaquate. Lord, I'm scared. The spiritual battle begins and I feel like Moses..."Lord, can you just send someone else because I don't think I have what it takes." "Why me God?" "What do we have to offer?" "Can we really do what people think we can do?" "Are we nieve?" "How will we make it?"


I'm sure God is saying..."That's the point. That's the point! You don't have all the answers. It's not about you!"

What was looming far in the future has approached. The list of to-do's with deadlines in 6 weeks are put to paper. Concrete. 
urghhh...not a very intelligent word; however, there are times that only "urgh" will do and this is one of those times.  Then I recall Romans 10 and I find peace.  Peace that if it were all about me God wouldn't be glorified...I would be. 


Romans 10:14, 15
14 How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? 15 And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"

Day 128: Activity vs Identity

Sarah (Abraham's wife) is someone I can relate to.  When life was creeping along and the hope the child seemed to race past her as time passed she thought she could help God out and took things into her own hands.  Ouch! It didn't turn out so good for her...neither does it turn out good for me!  When the three visitors came to their home and Sarah heard the Lord tell Abraham I'm coming back in a year and Sarah will have a child...she laughed at the absurd thought of her aged body bearing a child. Even when the Lord called her out on it she lied and said she did not laugh.   It is during this visit that the  famous statement..."Is anything too hard for the Lord? No!" is found. Sarah's pain of not having a child was so overwhelming to her that she could only focus on God's apparent activity and not His identity.

There have been critical times in my life that I have focused on my ability to see God's activity rather then focusing on God's identity. He cares for me. He keeps his promises. He is all powerful. He is all knowing.

Lord, help me!
Help me to trust in your Identity and not where my human eyes are able to see your Activity at work.
Help me to recall your faithfulness and love to us in the past.  Not only in my life but in the lives of our children.  Genesis 6:18
Help me to cling to your promises even when I don't understand.
Help me to live in the unknown...for your ways are not may ways ... I won't understand it all...I have Faith in who you are...you are God.
Amen

Because I Love Josh Wilson's song...Before the Morning....I posted it below. It helps me to keep focus that God is always at work and there is joy in the morning!

Day 127: Battle Seasons

There are seasons where we just struggle. That is one for me right now.  I thought I liked change...I'm learning I like change that I make, control, initiate.  When I feel out of control then I don't like that so much.  It's the same thing our Bible study was talking about this week.  In fact, the author, Pete Wilson, made a statement in his teaching video.

"Trust is what we have when we don't have understanding"

That is so true!  I have to trust that God is leading, is providing, is planning, is equipping, is here with us.

Father,

I have a heart that trusts you. When I'm in a season of battle...I pray for a mind that "trusts" you.

Amen

Day 127: Costly "Followership"

My made up word meaning to be a follower...and the art of following.

• The disciples died. The cost of "followership"
• Jesus died. The cost of "followership", following the direction of  God the Father. 
• We die to self: leaving behind past dreams, plan A, family, material things, comfort, career, security. Cost of "followership."

Three years ago moving Becca, our youngest into her first college dorm on Campus East, I specifically heard you whisper as I grieved the thought of moving oversees and not being close to the children, "I have given you three children to raise and teach about me. They know me and I know them.  Will you not now go to my children that you do not yet know and teach them about me?"

Oh Sweet Grace,
Give each of us the strength to look forward to you and the joy of "followership."  Turn my head toward you when I want to look back, when I want to be stuck in the the now, and the world of "but what if."  When I don't see the future, my God focus my eyes and spirit on you, only you, so that I will find peace in you and assurance.
Amen

Day 126: Forward

I have been away for a few weeks. One week in Lynchburg with the college girls...and one week in St. Charles with our college boy. My how time does speed past us. He graduates this May. We are praying about his future, specifically that God will grant him his heart's desire if it is God's heart's desire for Mike.

Plans for our future are coming in closer. It is time to begin putting serious effort into what God has for us. There is a bit of excitement, but more apprehention and nervousness. So much to do. How will God provide. What about this, about that, about them?  The questions swim in my mind. Changes at the ministry level. Knowing change is good and necessary but knowing I am not a part of that change longterm. 

In my daily Bible reading a Psalm hit home for me.

Psalm 51:10-19
Make a clean heart in me, O God, give me a new spirit that will not be moved. ... Let the joy of your saving power return to me. And give me a willing spirit to obey you.  Then I will teach wrong-doers Your ways. And sinners will turn to You.

Lord,
I need your divine guidance and intervention. Help me to look forward to what you have for us instead of dwelling in the past and what might not be.  I pray for excitement, vision, and hope for that future.  Acknowledge within my spirit when I am listening to the deceiver and not to you my Lord. For you are our hope and our future.  Conflict me when I slip back and away from your voice to be captured by the lies of him who would rob our joy.  In you I place all our needs. Work through each minute detail of our future.

I do trust in you. I pray whole hearted that you will "Let the joy of your saving power return to me."   Yes, Lord, I love them.

Amen

Day 125: Learning

It's been a while since my last entry. What has God been teaching me?

• I still must pray for whomever he prompts me to pray for.
• He is faithful and all I can do is trust Him
• She is not an extension of me. She is independent, strong, and leaning in close to her Savior
• Transition  = change = loss = grief ~ grieve well.  Accept the changes and realize it will be hard. When we go to Africa I will grieve what I leave behind...but I must look to the future...to our calling there.
• In the storm, when I am afraid, my savior is walking and sees.When I cry out to him he will come.

Mark 6:48    He saw His followers were in trouble. The wind was against them.  They were working very hard rowing the boat.  About three o'clock in the morning Jesus came to them walking on the sea. He would have gone past them.. When the followers saw Him walking on the water, they thought it was a spirit and cried out with fear.  For they all saw Him and were afraid.  At once Jesus talked to them.  He said,  "Take hope.  It is I, do not be afraid."  He came over to them and got into the boat.

The words of this song are my prayer," Lord, give me faith to trust what you say...that your good and your love is great...I'm broken inside...I give you my life. I may be weak, but your spirits strong in me. My flesh may fail...but my God you never will!"

Lord, I need you...to settle my spirit. Lord I need you to stir my heart for the things that stir your hearts...to continue to ignite in me the passions you have for my heart. The children that have not heard...here...and in Africa.  Show me what to do here and now. God, help me to overcome grief with hope...sorrow with joy for the eternity of those that will meet you...Amen

124: 3 in the morning

All day I felt like I had missed something because I didn't get up. This time when I awoke and sensed the nudge, I got out of the bed.  After reading my daily Bible reading...praying for the children...praying about the message this weekend...sending Bec a message of encouragement...I'm blogging.

So what have I sensed my Father whisper this early morning -

• obedience is sweet...thanks for getting up
• I have been talking to you for along time...remember all my whispers...I am here
• I have her...I have them
• it is the lies of Satan discouraging you when you think you will never be able to go to SA ...listen to my truth...cling to my promise...it is about my calling on your lives
• I love you
• I have something for you to do while you are still in the states...you are not in limbo...follow my whisper...you took the first steps...get moving on it
• It will all be to my glory...MY glory
• Keep interceding in prayer

Purpose: To take the message of Jesus love to children that will not have the opportunity to hear unless we go to them.

Lord thank you for our time...move and work in lives...in my life Lord...move in my life.

Day 123: Missed Opportunity

It was dark outside...It was early morning...in a sleep state I moved into consciousness...I sensed, I thought "Get up and spend time with me...you and me...doing some business"  .... and I laid there...prayed...slept...

Father,
Forgive me for not moving to you in those early morning hours. I am grieving that because I know you desired to spend time with me. Why, oh why, would I not respond quickly...run to you?  The spirit is willing but the flesh is so weak...I am weak. Father, please do not give up on me. Keep awakening me. I want to spend time with you. Abba, I love you and desire to have you speak into my life. I don't want to miss your presence. Thank you for your forgiveness through Christ.

I am eagerly awaiting our next early morning time...my audience with you my King!

 Amen

Day 122: The Difference

Prayer and intercession instead of fretting and worry. Very different outcomes!

This is what I posted on my Facebook wall.  It surprised me how many people responded in some fashion to the phrase.  But I shouldn't be surprised. It came as the outcome of a struggle I was having.  I was frustrated that I continued to think about a person and pray for them.  It was strange as I found myself praying more for this individual then my own child.

At one point I was so frustrated with myself, at my tears that wouldn't go away. Throughout the day...tears.  I was crying again but this time I began crying out to the Lord to take the burden away if I was just obsessing.  I was missing them in our families life;  I knew they were struggling spiritually; yet, I knew God was at work and this was His best. I was questioning my own motives. Was I just trying to manipulate the Lord into giving me what I thought was best? Was I reacting to the heart break of my own child? Was I just being sappy? What was going on?  Then I heard the whisper..."You are not needlessly burdened. You are interceding on his behalf."   Exhale. Calm. Peace. Understanding.

I continued to pray as I moved through my days. Then a few days later I received information that helped me to more fully understand the necessity of prayer in his life.

Prayer can be a burden. I awoke early this morning with the spiritual nudge to pray for him. Psalms 30, 33. I gathered my Bible and began to sit in my chair..."No get on the floor" came the whisper.  I sat on the floor in front of the couch, Bible open to the Psalm...head on my open Bible as I began to read and pray the Psalms. I ended on Psalm 34.

I prayed this for him, "When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their troubles."  Psalm 34:17

The Lord heard me. The Lord will hear him as he prays.

The difference between prayer and intercession compared to fretting and worry. The Lord's actions. Very different outcomes! I don't know what the Lord's outcome will be...but I know that he is good. I know that my prayers can help fight the spiritual battles.  I know the Lord rescues. 

The difference is the outcome- nothing vs rescue. I choose prayer without ceasing.

Day 121: Your Love Never Fails Us

After two weeks of praying and asking God to help me see his purpose and will...the Lord was faithful last night. Thank you Father! 

This song prompted me to  praise  my God with a prayer of thanks. The lyrics..."And when the oceans rage I don't have to be afraid, because I know that you love me! You make all things work together for my good." resonates God's word in Romans.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

I can see how the Lord is molding her and revealing to her the desires of her heart. Shaping her to be his child that runs to him for strength. A woman that knows her value in the Father. A woman that seeks him with her whole heart. A woman that seeks his good in all things and even in the pain finds it. A woman that knows she is a child of the King, bought with a price, and will fight to keep Him the the first love of her life.  A woman that knows because of who she is in Him is deserving of all God's blessings and is willing to wait for God to provide. A woman before her Lord saying, "Here I am Lord, send me."

Lord, I praise you my Lord because you do make all things work together for our good. Lord, even in the pain you you have revealed to both of us your grace and compassion. You have shown me again that you love my children more than I ever could. Thank you for being our Abba. Amen

Day 120: Text Messages?

Can God demonstrate his presence at the very moment through a text message? Absolutely! And, he did.

Recently I prayed that the Lord would make me aware of specific times Rebecca might be spiritually struggling so that I could specifically be praying for her during those times. I needed the Lord to help me since distance prohibited me from seeing her to know how she was doing.

I had just finished my Bible reading for the day. I had felt impressed by one scripture I read and was in the process of texting it to her:

"The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart.  And He saves those who are broken in spirit." Psalm 34:18

In the middle of typing the text I received a text from her saying "today's a hard day, pray extra today okay"

Oh Lord, thank you! That I could tell her you are present with her...in the moment...you go before her... and show yourself even through text messaging.  Thank you for stepping into our life at that moment. Praise you for showing me that you hear the prayers of this momma. You are real and present. Amen

Day 119: Behind Me

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."
Isaiah 30:21

I have known this verse and read it many times. Yesterday, however, I believe Holy Spirit gave me a deeper understanding.  This verse is so closely tied to "Faith" and "Trust."  

When I see the Lord ahead of me I can follow and I know where he is going. I know it is safe and Him because I can see him...follow his path that has been laid out before me by his footprints.

When I know the Lord has come alongside of me...I can feel his shoulder, his physical presence. If he moves from side to side, changes the pace of our steps, or pauses and stops...I know it because he is right there and I can feel it.

This verse speaks to the Lord's voice being behind me. He is not in front and visible, he is not beside and felt, He is behind and only my ears can hear his voice...

But from behind...God, you have my back! You can warn me of attack so that I can move in a safe direction.

The challenge? Being able to discern my Lord's voice. To know it so well that I know it is him. To tune out the clatter of other's voices and the lies so I can hear the voice regardless of how gentle or loud it is.

Faith? Yes. Knowing the voice without seeing or feeling.
Trust? Yes. Based on past experience I can trust  that it is my God speaking.
Action? Yes. To move, walk, in the way my Lord has directed.

Lord, I want to hear your voice and move in your direction. I pray you will help me to know your whisper from behind...and respond in obedience. Thank you that you have my back. Amen

Day 118: The Gift of Wipers

It's been a tough 24 hours. Spiritually challenging. Repeating to myself, "My God is not cruel. My God has the best plan. There is a spiritual battle. God she needs you. God, he needs you. Young. Wise. Hurt." And above all the turmoil in my spirit I still hear my Father whisper

....Be still and know that I am God.   Be still and see me work.   Be still and I will fight for her. Be still and know I am working in his life. Be still and pray. Be still .......

Scripture that still resonates within me...

Wait for the Lord. Be strong. Let your heart be strong. Yes, wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14

The Lord will fight for you; You need only be still.  Exodus 14:14

For the eyes of the lord range throughout the earth to strenthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. 2 Chronicles 16:9


So many praying today...and a simple few words reminded me of the power of prayer, "I have an unexplainable peace today."   Thank you Father.

An emotional 24 hours was followed by awareness that the car is acting up and needs work. This on the heals of new tires and broken door handle.  So I take the truck to a meeting. It begins to rain...turn on the windshield wipers and nothing...no movement...won't work.  Choice: blow up an engine or drive without wipers.  I choose no wipers. As I'm driving the rain gets harder.

I pray, "Lord, I know you are real. I know you are protecting us. I know you love her. I know you are not a cruel God.  But God, right now I really need these wipers to work. I need to see you active in the little things in my life....please make these windshield wipers work...please God."

In a few short minutes the wipers began their rhythmic sweep of the windshield.  Oh, Lord, you heard my plea! Thank you! Thank you for affirming your presence in our lives.

Another song that speaks to my heart over the past week:




Lord,
Continue to bring "an unexplainable peace" to those crying out to you.. Praise you for the revelation of your presence.  Thank you for the gift of the wipers! I needed to see your presence in my life through the little things. I will be still and wait for you...prayerfully waiting to see you at work. Give Lonnie and I wise counsel. Holy Spirit help us to know what and when to pray specifically.
Amen

Day 117: My God's not Cruel

Season when you must depend on God's character and know that he is good. These are the hardest seasons, but my God never lets go.  There will be an end to the struggles but until that day comes...still I will praise you...that's my desire...help me be strong enough to live it.

You Never Let Go

Day 116: The Battle, The Lies, The Truth

Sleepless night...over and over the battles that played in my mind...inadequate, tender relationships, personal pride, fear, hurt, love, trust ....

Lies, as daggers at the heart of those I love ... daggers at me .... continually praying for God's shield to be there...His hedge of protection ... over their hearts...over my heart.

Clinging to what I know to be truth...

The Lord will fight for you.  All you have to do is keep still.  Exodus 14:14

Wait for the Lord.  Be strong. Let your heart be strong.  Yes, wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14

Abba,

Help me to recognize the battles...to have the strength to pray unconditionally...to trust you unconditionally.  To understand... to trust what I don't understand.  Amen 

Everything by Lifehouse

Day 115: Light in Hopelessness

Psalm 18:23  You make my lamp bright. The Lord my God lights my darkness.

Last night at ladies Huddle we seemed to land quite a bit on hurt and pain in this life, and how we make peace in our own lives with the fact that bad things and pain come to good people. One member said, "If God did this on purpose to our child then he is a cruel God."  But, we all agreed he isn't a cruel God, he can take our anger when we are mad and hurt at what this cruel, yes cruel, world brings to us. 

This morning Psalm 18:23 brought last nights conversation back to me.  The Lord does desire to bring light into my dark world. He can make my lamp, my spirit inside as I see it, still be bright. If I allow this light of God's presence to be extinguished by the pain and cruelty of this world, I will be hopeless.  I don't want that. I can't let that happen.

Father, Psalm 103...and forget not Your benefits.  Help me Father to remember your benefits in my life so that when the dark times are creeping in around me, I will still have your light, even a small ray, to point me in your direction and to fill  my life with your hope.  Amen

Day 114: Perfect Timing

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Genesis 39:23  "The Lord made all go well with whatever Joseph did."  Normally that wouldn't stand out to me if I were reading it by itself.  I know God had his hand on Joseph's life.  But it is written after Joseph has been sold, accused, in prison...all unjustly...circumstances...choices of others. 

So what stands out to me? Even though life was throwing Joseph a curve ball...major...The Lord made all go well with whatever Joseph did...where ever he was God made the best of the situation for Joseph.

Yesterday's devotion was "I am...but you are"...  I needed that last night.  Once again the reality of finances being what takes me to my knees before the Father.  We have our needs met and then something just springs up out of our control and we are socked yet again.  All night I'm recalling...I am confused but you are all knowing....I am afraid but you are the provider...and my conversations with the Lord continued as I drifted in and out of sleep.  Then this morning the Psalm of the day Psalm 17:1-15 was refreshing to know my God hears me and will protect.  Psalm 103...and forget not his benefits!

The point...God's word is so timely and never by chance. When I take the time to seek him I will find him.

Father, thank you for being alive and oh so real through your word. For whispering into my mind during the night. For helping me to just trust you and know you are there and to recall your benefits to me personally and to my family. The news of my cousins son being killed in a car accident this weekend brings sorrow to my heart...knowing Daniel was a Christ follower brings joy...the work on the cross of your son. Praise you. Be with the family as they grieve what seems unbearable to me.   You are there.   Amen

Day 113: I am...but you said...

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I am tired  but you said you would give me strength.
I am lacking in knowledge on what to do... but you said you would give wisdom
I am afraid ... but you said you would give me peace.
I am poor ...but you said you would provide.
I am weak in the face of adversity and confusion... but you said you are strong and willing to take our burden.

Reading through Genesis 32 this morning Jacob is about to face his brother Esau and is afraid...but he recalls the promises of God to him...he repeats these promises to the Father.

I am afraid of our future ...but you said you would protect our family.
I can not understand the pain of leaving our family ... but you said you would go with us...before us.
I am concerned financially...but you said you are the great provider.

Father, bring your promises to my mind. Help me Holy Spirit to discern the promises of my Father as I read His words.  I am thankful that you heard the prayers of this mother. Once I released my heart to you by acknowledging that I needed to go regardless of my circumstances...I submitted totally...you Father have seemed to slow the pace so that we can stay until Becca graduates. Thank you for hearing the pleas of a mother's heart. Amen

Day 112: Follow the Leader

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This year I am committed to reading through the Bible. I've started in the past and stopped to do this study or that...but this year I am going to stick to it...even when I pick up another study I will not stop this part of my spiritual journey. So with Bible in one hand and pencil in another...the journey moves forward.



When he had finished talking with him, God went up from Abraham...and he cut off their piece of skin that very day, as God had told him to do.   Genesis 18:22, 23

Recently I was reading about God's command to Abram to circumcised the men.  I thought to my self, "Lord, that is the craziest thing...what would be my reaction if Hank asked something so crazy of our congregation...or if you asked me to require something so seemingly crazy of those that I lead.  Why did Abram know it was you? Why did those that follow him know he hadn't just gone off his rocker?

I believe Abram's relationship with God was above reproach. He had conversations with the Lord. There was a history of God speaking and Abram obeying. Abram trusted God and knew his voice intimately. He knew God.

Over the course of my life I have heard God's voice and have trusted his promises. I have followed and I have stood still at his command.  I pray that those I lead will have confidence in my ability to know my Father's voice. I have confidence that Hank leads from God's voice.  I am not a blind follower...I would pray and seek God...but I trust Hank as our spiritual leader. I know that my Pastor spends quality time with the Lord and that is what gives me confidence in following my leader.

Lord, help me to be the type of leader that people will follow. As your servant if you give direction I pray I will have shared my walk with those you ask me to lead so that they will see you in my life and not see me. Help me to remember that it is my history with you that I rely on when the ask is big. I want to recall each time you have walked with me through the difficulty, the seemingly impossible. My walk with you is a faith journey; I ask that I can share that journey with those around me.  May I know you so well that I can be immediately obedient...even when it seems crazy...but know you will make is plausible. Be with me each time I open your love letter to me...that I may hear your voice..know your heart...and respond as you would have me.  You are my leader...I pray I will be able to lead to honor you.   Amen.

New Year, New Beginnings

The New Year is filled with anticipation. People make resolutions. The other day someone said to me, "2010 is behind us"  Yes, it is...but so is yesterday, the minute that just passed. The breath just exhaled. So why are we so excited and why do we wait for the "New Year"?  

We set financial goals. We stress about our futures.  Devotion this morning had a scripture from Job 1:21
 And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”     We have nothing when we are born. We accumulate and life can take away. But when the end of our lives come the only thing we will have is our character ... the eternal value of our lives in what we leave behind.


I think there is a longing in our spirits to be better...for me...to be more in line with the Father's desires for our lives, our character. To be in step with his desires for our life.

But, we don't have to wait for the new year to make changes. Each moment is a new beginning ... or holds the potential to be a new beginning in the Lord. When we miss his mark for us we can turn to him in a moment and ask for forgiveness and begin anew.

Lord, help me to begin each day with the anticipation of a new walk with you. To anticipate with joy and excitement the changes and molding I can experience to be more like you.  With anticipation I desire to spend daily time with you and hearing your voice. In my prayers to hear your voice.  In my time reading your word. In my interactions with those around me. In my life to see your hand. Moment by moment, Lord, help me to understand each one can be a new beginning.    Amen