Day 143: Anxious thoughts

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts;and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way"  Psalm 139:23-24

"... You anoint my head with oil"  Psalm 23:5

Recent life lessons are focusing on my mind and outlook.  It is so difficult to stay focused and a conscious effort to look for my God in the middle of hurt and disappointment.

What are the chances? We were told within the same week that both of our mothers have breast cancer. In fact, they were both having a biopsy the same day in different locations. My mom's was discovered early and the outlook is promising. I have a peace about that. Nanny Sue's is much more advances - it had moved also to her lungs and colon. She has begun oral chemo therapy. This is a harder one to have a peace about.

The dilemma of our home situation looms heavy. The decisions hard. Short sale because both homes are upside down. How embarrassing is that to say? Horrible. To have lived in one home for 20 years...make a conscious effort not to incur needless debt...waiting for God's house for us to retire in. When we sensed God's nudging we made the move. Then the world stepped in.  Did we wrongly hear God? I don't believe we did. When I think of all the faith building we experienced and opportunities to see his provision I see his plan, his love, his provision.  Did God make a mistake? He doesn't make mistakes. My challenge...God, what do we do now? We need wisdom cloaked in faith and trust in you our Soverign God.

Africa. Two sick mommas. Two homes upside down.

Make sense?  No

What to do? Don't know

Spiritual battle. Trust God as much for the years beginning  6 years into our future after we return as much as we are trusting him now and for the 5 years on the field.

Walk away? Do we short sale and stick the mortgage company...if they will even accept a short sale.

Is this scriptural? Honorable? Are we depriving God from demonstrating himself  as Jehovah Jireh once again?

Lord,
Lead me in the everlasting way. Like the shepherd placed oil in the sheep's nostrils to prevent parasites from entering and causing the sheep's head to hurt and be distracted. Place the oil on my head so that I'm not distracted by the world...I want what you want...to know your will.  Please bring answers and remove my anxious thoughts. I don't want to take them with me to South Africa.

Your confused servant