Day 132: The problem demonstrates His Power

2 Corinthians 12:7 -10

7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.


Why would God call us into a ministry so far away with seemingly impossible challenges both before we get there and after? Why would there be such an uphill struggle, financially, to be prepared to live entirely on God's provision for 5 years? God is in this right?

Because in this manner He will receive all the honor. Nothing will be because of our wise choices. Nothing will be because of our education. Nothing will be because of the financial state of our economy. It will all be because of who God is...he is God of all things.

I'm beginning to see it more clearly. For the first time I notice  Paul say, " This problem was a messenger from Satan, sent to beat me and keep me from being too proud."   Satan sent it...it was a beating and boy do I feel beat...but the purpose is for God's glory to keep me from being proud.  The Lord told Paul, "My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you."  This is such an opportunity for God to shower his grace and show his mighty power. 

Father,
Thank you for your continued reminder that it is not by our power we will be on the mission field...it will be by your grace and power.  I know that when I'm there and in the dark moments of mission work it will be the miraculous power and miracle of your provision that affirms our calling there.  This financial problem will be a blessing and a reminder of our calling. It will lead us back to recall your grace.  Continue to provide even a few sections of fence...your grace.
Amen

Day 131: Shuffle Your Buns :)

There's a game we use to play when we were active in youth ministry many years ago, called "shuffle your buns."  There is a circle with one less chair then people buns. The leader calls "go" and everyone starts scooting or shuffling their buns around the circle until "Stop" and the one without a seat for their buns is out. It gets rather wild and crazy!

The point of this past memory? I'm living "shuffle your buns" but I know I'm the one that will in the future be without a chair in this circle.  I attended a telecast conference at our associational office the other week where one of the speakers said, transition = change = loss = grief therefor grieve well.     As I shuffle my buns from the second chair to the third chair I have worked through the sense of loss and  grief  and now I am emerging on the well side.  I'm excited about what God is doing in our midst and I see his timing in the details. We are shuffling our buns in relation to our roles in the lives of our children. From parent to coach to cheerleader.  I grieve here also...but am thankful for the emerging relationships and how God is using them. His plans for their futures.

My challenge? How do I stay in the moment, the here and now, for the next season of my life?  God has us here and it is here we live, love, and minister.  We are praying for joy right now. Lonnie needs joy in his work place.  I need to continue developing those I'm with now,  focusing on what I am doing now and doing it well.

All at the same time as we "Shuffle our buns" towards the next phase of our lives.

With God's help we will do well.  Psalm 60:12

Abba,
We will do well but only with your help. Thank you for helping us see you are work around us. Help us to see you at work in the personal details of our lives...finances, housing decisions, to-do lists.  Oh! God thank you our neighbor put up a section of his fence that needed to be replaced so badly! Check...you took care of that one!  Yes! The details, Lord. The small things that we can so easily miss.  I love it when you show me yourself in the smallest of details.  Thank you for your help....continue to help us shuffle our buns well.

Amen.

Day 130: Peace

There is a peace that is emerging today. As I begin to put together our prayer partner list and letter, and a pacing/countdown calender, I am experiencing a sense of peace and anticipation. Each time I repeat the date and hear the countdown months it brings less anxiety. 

I was reading a Psalm this morning...praying it for Becca as she takes a big test, and also praying it for myself.

"But as for me, I will sing of Your strength. Yes, I will sing with joy of Your loving-kindness in the morning.  For You have been a strong and safe place for me in times of trouble. O my Strength, I will sing praises to You.  For God is my strong-place and the God Who shows me loving-kindness."  Psalm 59:16, 17

Father,
I appreciate your peace and the joy of being in your will.  Even when I have a meltdown in the evening you awaken me with a joy and a hope in the morning.  Help me to remember that you are our strength...I trust you with the details.
Amen

Day 129: Urgh!

After a 2 hour time of discussing steps towards our future with two wise men, Lonnie so elequently says, "If you're scared, just say you're scared."  Well, I'm scared. Lord I don't feel prepared. Lord, I don't feel adaquate. Lord, I'm scared. The spiritual battle begins and I feel like Moses..."Lord, can you just send someone else because I don't think I have what it takes." "Why me God?" "What do we have to offer?" "Can we really do what people think we can do?" "Are we nieve?" "How will we make it?"


I'm sure God is saying..."That's the point. That's the point! You don't have all the answers. It's not about you!"

What was looming far in the future has approached. The list of to-do's with deadlines in 6 weeks are put to paper. Concrete. 
urghhh...not a very intelligent word; however, there are times that only "urgh" will do and this is one of those times.  Then I recall Romans 10 and I find peace.  Peace that if it were all about me God wouldn't be glorified...I would be. 


Romans 10:14, 15
14 How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? 15 And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"

Day 128: Activity vs Identity

Sarah (Abraham's wife) is someone I can relate to.  When life was creeping along and the hope the child seemed to race past her as time passed she thought she could help God out and took things into her own hands.  Ouch! It didn't turn out so good for her...neither does it turn out good for me!  When the three visitors came to their home and Sarah heard the Lord tell Abraham I'm coming back in a year and Sarah will have a child...she laughed at the absurd thought of her aged body bearing a child. Even when the Lord called her out on it she lied and said she did not laugh.   It is during this visit that the  famous statement..."Is anything too hard for the Lord? No!" is found. Sarah's pain of not having a child was so overwhelming to her that she could only focus on God's apparent activity and not His identity.

There have been critical times in my life that I have focused on my ability to see God's activity rather then focusing on God's identity. He cares for me. He keeps his promises. He is all powerful. He is all knowing.

Lord, help me!
Help me to trust in your Identity and not where my human eyes are able to see your Activity at work.
Help me to recall your faithfulness and love to us in the past.  Not only in my life but in the lives of our children.  Genesis 6:18
Help me to cling to your promises even when I don't understand.
Help me to live in the unknown...for your ways are not may ways ... I won't understand it all...I have Faith in who you are...you are God.
Amen

Because I Love Josh Wilson's song...Before the Morning....I posted it below. It helps me to keep focus that God is always at work and there is joy in the morning!

Day 127: Battle Seasons

There are seasons where we just struggle. That is one for me right now.  I thought I liked change...I'm learning I like change that I make, control, initiate.  When I feel out of control then I don't like that so much.  It's the same thing our Bible study was talking about this week.  In fact, the author, Pete Wilson, made a statement in his teaching video.

"Trust is what we have when we don't have understanding"

That is so true!  I have to trust that God is leading, is providing, is planning, is equipping, is here with us.

Father,

I have a heart that trusts you. When I'm in a season of battle...I pray for a mind that "trusts" you.

Amen

Day 127: Costly "Followership"

My made up word meaning to be a follower...and the art of following.

• The disciples died. The cost of "followership"
• Jesus died. The cost of "followership", following the direction of  God the Father. 
• We die to self: leaving behind past dreams, plan A, family, material things, comfort, career, security. Cost of "followership."

Three years ago moving Becca, our youngest into her first college dorm on Campus East, I specifically heard you whisper as I grieved the thought of moving oversees and not being close to the children, "I have given you three children to raise and teach about me. They know me and I know them.  Will you not now go to my children that you do not yet know and teach them about me?"

Oh Sweet Grace,
Give each of us the strength to look forward to you and the joy of "followership."  Turn my head toward you when I want to look back, when I want to be stuck in the the now, and the world of "but what if."  When I don't see the future, my God focus my eyes and spirit on you, only you, so that I will find peace in you and assurance.
Amen

Day 126: Forward

I have been away for a few weeks. One week in Lynchburg with the college girls...and one week in St. Charles with our college boy. My how time does speed past us. He graduates this May. We are praying about his future, specifically that God will grant him his heart's desire if it is God's heart's desire for Mike.

Plans for our future are coming in closer. It is time to begin putting serious effort into what God has for us. There is a bit of excitement, but more apprehention and nervousness. So much to do. How will God provide. What about this, about that, about them?  The questions swim in my mind. Changes at the ministry level. Knowing change is good and necessary but knowing I am not a part of that change longterm. 

In my daily Bible reading a Psalm hit home for me.

Psalm 51:10-19
Make a clean heart in me, O God, give me a new spirit that will not be moved. ... Let the joy of your saving power return to me. And give me a willing spirit to obey you.  Then I will teach wrong-doers Your ways. And sinners will turn to You.

Lord,
I need your divine guidance and intervention. Help me to look forward to what you have for us instead of dwelling in the past and what might not be.  I pray for excitement, vision, and hope for that future.  Acknowledge within my spirit when I am listening to the deceiver and not to you my Lord. For you are our hope and our future.  Conflict me when I slip back and away from your voice to be captured by the lies of him who would rob our joy.  In you I place all our needs. Work through each minute detail of our future.

I do trust in you. I pray whole hearted that you will "Let the joy of your saving power return to me."   Yes, Lord, I love them.

Amen

Day 125: Learning

It's been a while since my last entry. What has God been teaching me?

• I still must pray for whomever he prompts me to pray for.
• He is faithful and all I can do is trust Him
• She is not an extension of me. She is independent, strong, and leaning in close to her Savior
• Transition  = change = loss = grief ~ grieve well.  Accept the changes and realize it will be hard. When we go to Africa I will grieve what I leave behind...but I must look to the future...to our calling there.
• In the storm, when I am afraid, my savior is walking and sees.When I cry out to him he will come.

Mark 6:48    He saw His followers were in trouble. The wind was against them.  They were working very hard rowing the boat.  About three o'clock in the morning Jesus came to them walking on the sea. He would have gone past them.. When the followers saw Him walking on the water, they thought it was a spirit and cried out with fear.  For they all saw Him and were afraid.  At once Jesus talked to them.  He said,  "Take hope.  It is I, do not be afraid."  He came over to them and got into the boat.

The words of this song are my prayer," Lord, give me faith to trust what you say...that your good and your love is great...I'm broken inside...I give you my life. I may be weak, but your spirits strong in me. My flesh may fail...but my God you never will!"

Lord, I need you...to settle my spirit. Lord I need you to stir my heart for the things that stir your hearts...to continue to ignite in me the passions you have for my heart. The children that have not heard...here...and in Africa.  Show me what to do here and now. God, help me to overcome grief with hope...sorrow with joy for the eternity of those that will meet you...Amen