Day 72: New Meaning

This past weekend and Monday,

• traveled to see our daughter and enjoyed time in her life. Listening to her life stories and seeing her enjoying teaching opportunities God has given her. Knowing in obedience she has not dated for a full year.
• We were able to encourage one son long distance in defeat and also rejoice in his individual athletic accomplishment.
• We were able to help the married kids a bit. Pray for our daughter-in-love as she takes big tests to finish her Master's degree.
• Enjoy a wonderful ministry day ...being able to visit the other campus and see the few children's teachers' hearts for the children, meeting new people excited about God's ministry at Coastal, be with friends in Bible study. See our son as a minister.
• Monday night having the joy of looking into 6 excited young people on the Water's Edge of exploring what God wants them to do for him with their lives.
• Today (Tuesday) I have the privilege to encourage 60 adults pursing God's calling on their lives through education as I grade papers.
• As a wife I walk alongside Lonnie as he prepares the ministry team and tunes his leadership skills.

What can get better than this? Then my mind reverts....

The bank account is grim....My mind easily goes to the woe is me....God are you really in this? Why? Why do I allow my mind to go there! Don't I see, recall all that God is doing through our family? The previous paragraph! God, why does my ability to rejoice in seeing and knowing how you are working in my life seem to boil down to financial prosperity? You are more concerned with my inside than outside.

Believing God

Today the Lord blessed me with an insight. My ministry calling verse is Genesis 6:18 "I will establish my covenant with you...." I always focused on the provision...safety...of that verse. God protected Noah and his family and he would protect ours.

Today in the study I learned Covenant meant a testament, or will, an arrangement, a disposition after death. And the word better....didn't mean financially better...it meant in relation to use, service excellence...not just quantity.

God, you will make our family a testament to you! You will make my life a testament to you after my death...through our children. Your desire is for our life to be better because of Christ's death and sacrifice...but that better doesn't mean more comfortable...it means better used by you according to your desires.

My final sense of what God is saying to me:
Debbie, your family will be a testimony of how I can best use you to serve me. Not just financial provision BUT service and use to me. I have established my covenant with you. You will be a testimony.....Your Abba God.

God, thank you! For our family's commitment to you and how you are shaping us to be a testament to you.

Amen

Day 71: Sifting inorder to GO!

Believing God

It is a hectic time right now and I'm struggling to accomplish all that I need to in order to be a good steward of the opportunities God has given me. Ministry and teaching, family. Today is Lonnie's birthday. Today we travel to see Becca. Sunday will be a long ministry day. But my God is faithful.

My postings have been sporadic but my Father is constant.

Completed video session 4 this morning. It was a temptation just to skip this one hour and move on to the to-do list. I'm thankful I didn't. In a nut shell the lesson was on Believing you are who God says you are.

My favorite was Luke 22:31-32
Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you (plural-all who were there) as wheat. But I have prayed for you (singular), Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.

God allows sifting when there something that needs to get out, go away. Out of his love for us he allows this. But....God, Christ himself is praying for me! How amazing! My ears ring and my eyes swell with tears. My savior that lives is praying for me as I endure the sifting. He sees the outcome and he is praying for me. Like he said to Peter..."and when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers." Lord, all the sifting so I can come back and strengthen my brothers and sisters in faith.

Beth Moore said, "He is saying let's get going with getting this out of you, because we've got things to get on to...we need to go so that's gotta go!" Lord, thank you! I am your redeemed, blessed, chosen, adopted, accepted forgiven! I am your child. Thank you for praying for me and loving me as you allow the sifting to prepare us to GO where you have us to go and to do what you have us going to do.

Amen!

Day 70: Deep Love-Deep Devastation

Believing God

Blessed is he, whosover shall not be offended in me. Matthew 11:6


Yesterday in general was a tough day. I was just grumpy and disillusioned. Several things were stewing in my brain. I was just mad and at points devastated. I couldn't understand...and honestly I still have a difficult time.

So I had to smile at myself and God's timing as I read today's Bible study ...Blessed are the Unoffended. My first reaction was...there's no blessing for me because I have been whiny and grumpy, offended by the Lord. I'll admit it...might as well because he knows anyway.

Beth Moore references the work of Gene Edwards' The Prisoner in the Third Cell. The book looks at John the Baptist. He never saw his 34th birthday. He died because of Jesus. He lived a scarce life as a Nazarite. When he was in jail and sent his disciple to ask Jesus if he was really the Son of God...Jesus didn't give him a straight up answer. What? All Jesus had to do say was, "Yes, John, I am." But, Jesus just says I heal people and do miracles. This leaves John to still have to discern on his own. So why would it be any different for me? It is not. God still doesn't give me up front answers.

Beth writes and also quotes Edwards to say:
"...surely no pain is like the searing of the heart when "your God has not lived up to your expectations.....all of us called to faith will have this knife-sharp experience in some form and at some point.....I'd go so far as to suggest that the deeper we have loved God, the deeper the potential for devastation when He doesn't intervene as we know He can....God is not shocked, Beloved. he reads our hearts. he knows our confusion., disappointment and devastation."

Edwards writes this which resonated with me. "More often than not, the scenario of such a challenge will be similar to John's. At times we'll be tempted to think, If Christ is who He says he is and can do what he says He can do, and I am His beloved, why isn't He coming through for me? Is it our insignificance? Is he too busy to notice? Or is the situation simply not critical to the overall plan? Are we or is our loved one simply dispensable? Blessed are we when we could be offended and choose with every shred of tattered faith not to be."


Father, I praise you because you know all my doubts and struggles right now...but you also know my heart believes in you, loves you, respects you, trusts you. Help me through this grim spiritual time of discouragement.

I pray that I will not be offended by you. I will not allow Satan to whisper lies into my spirit and my mind. I will be aware and focused on you. I will dwell on your goodness. You are a good and compassionate God. I love you.

Day 69: I don't understand

Believing God

And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. James 5:15

This is so tough for me. When my Dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer he called in our Pastor and other Godly men from our congregation. They prayed earnestly for a healing and anointed his forehead with oil. The cancer took my daddy home to be with the Lord 6 months later. The disease progressed quickly, his body deteriorated, he didn't have to linger, he was peaceful in death. Was that the healing? The Greek uses heals in reference to healing of personal distress. I accept more easily this than I do with two others in my life that I love that are suffering from life threatening illness.

One is a mom my age. We have seen healing but at the same time she continue to struggle with the pain and discomfort. There are struggles in her life that I can't explain.

Another is a mom of two still in secondary school. I have seen her life robbed of joy and the ability to even work and move about. Simple joys like reading taken from her. Medical insurance denials, social security disability denials all frustrate me. I can't even begin to comprehend. All I can say is this is a sinful world and not as God intended. But, God, you do perform miracles. I believe you do. How do we begin to understand why a healing is denied a Godly woman with so much to offer this world. Does your heart break when you look at her family? My heart breaks! When friends come to me for wisdom I have nothing to offer. I know it is not trite but it seems trite when my response is all we can do is keep praying for the miracle!

Father, please give us strength to keep praying. I ask that we don't develop a bitter spirit. I can understand their anger...and I'd be angry also. I am angry and want to come before you right now and plead with the words, "Abba, this is not fair!" Help me to have the right spirit. To be there for them.

For my sister's in Christ, I pray for the miracle of healing! I pray for you to swing wide your doors of blessings. Get her into the correct doctors. Provide financially. Bring favor from government organizations. God, her life here depends on your miracle.

Amen

Day 68: Praise God

Believing God

"Praise God from whom all blessings flow
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghosts
Amen"

It's been a long, long time since I've sung that brief song of praise. This morning on the eve of Easter it resonates in my spirit. I can't explain everything that happens, or for that matter doesn't happen, in my life and the lives of those around me. Why some find peace, some struggle for meaning. Some have love and relationship, others are faced with joy in singleness. Some have children, others grieve the children they will never know. Some experience miraculous healing and others suffer day in and day out. Some have financial prosperity, others struggle for each meal. I can't explain.

I can tell you I believe in a God that is Sovereign and loving. My God that will welcome me at the end of my life into an eternity I can't even begin to imagine or explain. I know my God and I believe my God. He loves me. He knows my name. He cares about my heartache. He is a God of miracles...yes! Miracles today. He is most concerned about my inner spirit than my physical needs. I intentionally used the word "most." as he is concerned about all aspects of my life.

Lord, you demonstrated your love and concern for me when you died on the cross and our Father raised you from the dead. You endured suffering and pain beyond my comprehension. You endured out of love. May I endure this life in love for you.

Amen