Day 139: Jehovah-The Self-Exsistent One

Kay Arthur writes: "When you need assurance that God is there, that He will keep His promises without changing-even though you have wavered in your promises to Him--run to your Jehovah.  Trust in His name. It can't change because He can't change. He is Jehovah--the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrew 13:8).  (Lord I Want to Know You, p. 50)

Jehovah, my Jehovah...forgive my melting point last night. I sunk deep in asking "Have we messed up our lives so much Lord that you can make this work? Am I such a horrible servant leader of yours that people can't see you in me?"   In the moments of  confusion, defeat...I couldn't see you. The pace is intense with the list overwhelming. I don't know how much harder to work...what else to do...and then there is the feeling of one step forward only to be shoved back 2 or even 3 steps.  From financial mountains to prepare for your calling...to leadership challenges that break my heart. The cost of leading that means I must do what is your will even when I don't understand. And what I hear in my heart is this is the cost of following you. Obedience. Pure obedience.  "Pick up your cross and follow me"

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14.

Lord, I hear your words speak into my soul.....Debbie, I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. . You said, "You are my servant, Debbie; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So, Debbie, do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strenthen you, Debbie, and help you.  I will upohold you with my righteous right hand."  Isiah 41:9-10

Amen...let it be...forgive my weary soul...fill my heart.    Thank you Father as I prayed this prayer the song below played on my iPod....You hear me...you know the whispers of my heart...you are my El Roi.

Day 138: Adonai ~ LORD

The old song, Adonai, adonai....is running through my mind. The sound of the word is soft and tender...almost a whisper in my mind. Jesus is my master...he takes care of me...I obey...as Master there are responsibilities..the shelter, food, clothing, care of. As his servant there are responsibilities...obedience, submission to his will.

Now great multitudes were going along with Him; and he turned and said to them, "If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple.  Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My Disciple.                        Luke 14:25-27

What a high price...hate is a strong word and seems to go against what numerous scriptures teach. So I did some digging and this is what I discovered:

• "What anyone who studies the verse should quickly discover, however, is that the word translated “hate” does not always mean “to despise, detest, loathe, and abhor,” which are synonymous with the general use of the word “hate” in our modern culture. Instead, the word also can include the meaning “to love less.”  Source: http://www.apologeticspress.org

Now that makes sense to me. To call my Jesus, "LORD" is to say I love all things less then you...Jesus doesn't say "hate them" he says love me more! If I am your LORD...you must lay down whatever it is that you love and love me more.

So what is it that I must love less...it was obvious as I read this passage and realized what my cross was to carry.... In going to Africa in 12 months I struggle with leaving the children here.  They are all young adults and will be employed, launched into the life God has prepared them for.  I don't struggle that they will need mommy and she not be there in the same way I struggled with being a working mom and leaving them.  I just ache because my heart wants to hear them, see them, be a part of their days and lives. Get that hug and see their smile.  I have to love them less then I love Christ. Realize as their Adonai he loves them more then I ever could.   My heart must love Christ more then my children and it is out of this love for my Adonai that I pick up my cross...the pain of separation...and walk forward.

Adonai,
I love you more. Adonai, I need your help in picking up this cross.
Amen

Day 137: El Roi~ The God who sees

Hagar said of the Lord, "You are El-roi." (Genesis 16:13) God has seen everything about her...the good and the bad (to speak), her pain and her joy. 

God sees what's going on my life and that brings assurance. Assurance that He is with me...he is Sovereign so there are no surprises, nothing He can't and won't help me through.  Assurance that He is omnipresent with our family members while we are apart. 

I received a note from a friend who is in my discipling huddle. The note is timely as it weaves together with what God is teaching me this morning.  As Jennie would say...when two things come at the same time it's like God is saying, "Debbie, pay attention."

Debbie,
  My morning devotional stirred up in my heart the need to share it with you.  When we are striving for the things in our lives that we know God has called us to do, not only does he prepare the ways for us to step out in faith to fulfill His purpose in our lives, but He also gives a grace & special ability for our families to help us in our calling, which is form Him.
  Just as He has made each one of us to fulfil His purposes, so He makes out families the way they need to be for each season. :)
  I know that you have struggled with the idea of leaving your children when you go on your mission, but I believe that God has prepared them also for being able to cope with your absence.  We are all in the hands of our Lord God & no one can take us from Him.
 <3 Jennie

El-roi,
Thank you for seeing and being near to my family, and to me. Continue to prepare all of us for your purposes in and through us. Thank you for your word and for friends like Jennie!  Amen

Day 136: A whirlwind

Life has been a whirlwind of Easter, Mother's Day, travel for conferences and recently Michael's graduation from college! So proud of him. We have him moved back home until August when he goes to Rome, Italy pursuing his dream of playing volleyball professionally. He finished his collegiate career as an All-American with two majors.  The hardest part is leaving Tracy and trusting for God's best in their relationship. They love each other so this season apart will be difficult.

Becca had to take state certification exam for teaching so couldn't attend Mike's graduation. We missed her but she was in our hearts.(Her daddy's arm is around her in the picture above:) She is saying good-bye to college friends graduating as well. Staying in Lynchburg this summer to do internships, train, rehab, summer school and work.  Changes there also.

James has applied to Seminary...back to graduate school if all goes well.

Lonnie passed his bench mark yesterday...he can officially retire from the city. He will stay another year until we have Bec through college.

Last week was a difficult leadership week for me. Perhaps the most difficult of my career.  Resting in the Lord's wisdom is all I can do.

Mission future is becoming more real with each passing week. I find myself going through the house and separating from "things"   I placed the ownership of our home(s) before the Lord. If he asks us to sell and go we will trust him with our future...He is El Elyon...Sovereign God over all. Brochure in final editing phase...budget coming together.

This passage ministered to my heart this morning with hope and purpose. Knowing my sovereign will make a way.  He made a way for Lonnie to attend a $400 training...amazing! Beginning now to equip my husband for His purposes in SA.

The verse:
Remember the former things long past, for I am God, and there is not other; I am God, and there is no one like Me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things which have not been done, saying, "My purpose will be established, and I will accomplish all My good pleasure"; calling a bird of prey from the east, the man of My purpose from a far country.  Truly I have spoken; truly I will bring it to pass.  I have planned it, surely I will do it."            Isaiah 46:9-11

Oh, Father, give me faith to trust what you, and eyes to see your hand molding our lives, providing at each step.  Help me to know your love in the difficult times. To follow when the cost of followership is high...spiritually, emotionally.  I thank you for our children...their love for you. Their character. Their Love for you.  My husband.  He is the man from the fa country. El Elynon I am thankful and trusting in you.  Amen