Day 53: Dried up Faith

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The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning, and bread and meat in the evening; and he drank from the brook. And it happened after a while that the brook dried up, because there had been no rain in the land. 1 Kings 17:6-7

Father forgive. I'm crying before you because I'm tired of holding onto a hope that seems hopeless. It's been a tough day. All of a sudden I feel hopeless and defeated....overwhelmed. I can't see the way out. I see the dream. I see the big ask by you. I see your provision but as soon as I see it...I'm overwhelmed with the other side.

Win Collier in his book Restless Faith says "For me, faith has often equaled some form of unflinching assurance. To have faith is to know, and to know, in my sense, is to have siphoned away every uncertainty. Faith, essentially, is the absence of mystery." (pg. 84) He continues with "Faith requires, to at least some degree, some possibility that I could be wrong." (pg. 84)

God, I could be wrong. Maybe I didn't need to ask for added work. Maybe I need to accept any outcome with NL house. Maybe we will lose it. Maybe we won't go to SA. I keep praying and the two huge things before me...the fleeces if you might...are there. Always there and I can't seem to permanently remove the fear and anxiety associated with them. When I don't see you moving in them I think perhaps I'm not hearing you well. What are we to do. How are we to survive this? I am drying up at this moment. I don't have the energy to fight the enemy in my spirit. I want to hold on and say all is well...but inside I am so full of doubt.

Is that the line, God. The possibility of failure? The doubt. Is that what you require of us? If it is my heart is weeping before you. I fear we have not heard you clearly. I fear we will miss your blessing. I fear I personally will not be strong enough to walk this path with you. I have never lost faith in you, my Lord. Only my own human failing to be worthy of being called your servant.

I am afraid when our brook dries up I will not hear the direction of your voice.

Help me, Abba.

Amen

Thank you for this verse! As I'm preparing your message for Sunday this verse came about -

6In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 1 Peter 1:6-8 (NIV)

There is a purpose, Lord. May be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor.

You are a compassionate God.