Day 93: If Only ...

"If only I might get what I ask for, and that God would give me what I desire! If only God were willing to crush me, that He would let His hand loose and destroy me! I suffer much pain because I have not turned away from the words of the Holy One. What strength have I , that I should wait? What is my end, that I should not give up? Do I have the strength of stones? Is my flesh brass? I have no power to help myself, and a way out is far from me."
Job 6: 8-13

How many times have I said that! In the middle of challenge and hurt I so many times cry out, "Lord! God! why aren't you listening to me? Why won't you give me what I am asking?" Is there even a point in asking? So many times in the moment I want to say, "Nope. God is going to do what he wants and what I want isn't a factor." But, I say that like a spoiled child many times. Have a spiritual stomping fit.

Then later I look back at the course of events and say, "Oh my God, thank you for how you worked in that. Thank you that you didn't give me what I asked at that moment because so much more has come out of the experience."

But this gives me comfort....because "I have not turned away from the words of the Holy One" When the storm has passed I look back I know that because I didn't turn from His words, there is a peace in the midst of pain. I must above all else cling to the words of the Holy One...his promises! If I don't all is lost. Nothing will make sense.

Father, to your words, your breath, I desire to grip. Help me to do that. May I sing praises to you even when I don't get what I want...even when it is beyond hard...beyond bearable.

Amen