Day 76: Tears and rambling

About to do my Beth Moore study but want to write before spending time with God. Why? Not sure except to see what God has in store for me today.

Life is frustrating! Always comes down to money. Lonnie and I were out at the NL house yesterday cutting shrubs that haven't been trimmed in three years and weeding flowers that haven't been weeded. It was good to have my hands in the dirt and see progress. However, the enemy attacked as I thought it would be so much simpler to just sell Court Circle...but then reality was no that's not true as the mental list began.

I realized it was fear that made me want to take that path. As I walked back into Court Circle and said, yes, this is home and where God wants us...we will just have to fight hard to keep it all balanced. Then this morning the juggling of finances to get all taken care of...having to say no...deciding what to do...and now just feeling like the cycle will never end.

Even to the point of a possible renter...all seemed going great...now I don't think they are going to rent the house. I know my God has the person. I know it! But the cycle beginning 5 years ago continues...contract--no go.....contract again....no go....contract again...no go.....possible renter....no go. My spirit is weak from possibility.

Yesterday in staff Hank said faith and fear can't co-exist. I don't believe that. I have fear of how will it all work out but I have more faith that it will somehow. What we might loose will be ok. We work so hard and I have to work so hard to have faith that God is our provider. He cares.

Still my greatest battle is being absolutely sure we are where God wants us...and absolutely trusting that God is in control...he is sovereign...and everything is His.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away...blessed be the name of the Lord.