Day 10: Martha, Martha

A few years ago I read a wonderful book, "Having a Mary heart in a Martha World." It was a perfect read for people like me...a doing type person, task oriented, a pleaser by way of doing.

Today's Revealed scripture took me back to that,

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42 (NIV)

Oh, how I can hear my Lord saying that to me...."Debbie, Debbie, you are so worried and consumed about so many things...things you even have no control over. Choose what is better! Sit with me and depend on me, rest with me." You see, I know this all in my mind, and in my heart...but here we go again with these women emotions and left over yuck from childhood...the "What ifs" step in...I hate it when I place myself on this Roller Coaster Ride.

I am so glad I have been spending time at my Master's feet for the last 10 days consistently. So glad to have read his love letter to me and be able to share scripture with Lonnie. So blessed to see God tangibly answer my prayer from yesterday to see him at work and experience his peace...thank you Jesus for being alive and real...for the peace that came yesterday.

Back to the Bible

Job 2:9 (ESV)
9 Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die.”

Wow! Don't give up the devotion says...even when those you love and are close to you...they don't understand and say...just stop...quit...it's not worth it! I must seek the Lord and know he has a plan. If I give up I loose the opportunity to Draw Near to His Heart in the situation. I loose the the opportunity on the other side of the struggle to look back and see how my God walked with me, encouraged me. But I have to admit, God, it is so HARD! to take that next step in the hurt, pain, discomfort. To WAIT for you when you are timeless; for me time moves at a snails pace through the challenge, the hurt, the uncertainty.

Hold fast to my integrity? That seems odd for her to say. What integrity. The man is covered with disgusting boils and has lost everything! I can't imagine the pain of losing all my children. But I can imagine if I lost all my children, or even one, the pain would be so intense I might think life is over...or it would be better if it were. I guess the integrity is not giving up. Job never gave up and he never lost sight of His God.

The author from Back to the Bible writes:

"People are always ready to encourage you to give up. "Life is too difficult," they say. "Life is not fair. It hurts too much." But such advice fails to take into account the omnipotent hand of God. Even though we may not understand why painful and discouraging events happen in our lives, we have the assurance that God has His reasons--good reasons.

Don't allow anyone to talk you into quitting. Even though your trials may throw you for a loss time after time, you can have the confidence that God is still in control. Don't quit. Trust Him and keep on going. A day is coming when you'll be glad you did.

When you give up on yourself, you give up on God."

Lord,
I don't want to give up on you, or my ability to walk through this with you. I don't want others to see me as failing because I didn't stay close to you. I don't know the blessings on the other side of this tough time...perhaps it is just your soft whisper, "Well, done my good and faithful servant. Well, done Debbie. You chose what was best...time with me."

Lord, I sense the ask is going to be big, seemingly unable to accomplish from our perspective. Something we won't understand nor comprehend why you have asked us to do it. But I know you will not let us go it alone. You have been oh so faithful in the past...so many times ... me being an at home mom, seminary, the children's issues - Learning disabilities, relationships, Christian school, Regent, fellowship, possibility of Liberty teaching, side jobs for Lonnie, renting a home, building a home, loss of a parent. The list could go on and on. How could I ever curse you?

I don't understand at times what life brings our way, but I chose to worship you and trust you.

Help me to be a Mary... a Jobette

Amen