Day 110: Firstfruits

I came across this article in an email from Children's Ministry Today

- Can You Really Make the Change? - from Pastor Gary


I wish to share with you about three separate conversations God placed me in this past week. Each conversation was with a different person. Each conversation was in a different situation. Each conversation was initiated by the other person. Yet, all three conversations focused on the same thought.

Usually I prefer to lay some groundwork for our topic but, today, let us get straight into it. Today is a day for us to consider "FIRSTFRUITS." What does that term mean to you? Of course, we know it is in the Bible in Nehemiah 10:35 where the Levites are expressing how they will carry out their duties. The concept of "FIRSTFRUITS" is also seen in the principle of tithing. This is ultimately expressed through God's "FIRSTFRUITS" gift of His "FIRSTBORN" Son's sacrifice. How does this topic actively work out in our lives?

Consider that each day is filled with "FIRSTS." As you awake in the morning, you have your "FIRST" glimpse of the day. Followed almost immediately by your "FIRST" thought. You will experience your "FIRST" word for each day, "FIRST" bite of something to eat, and "FIRST" activity for the day.

You can easily carry this concept of "FIRSTS" over into your relationships and work. So often conflicts, struggles, and disappointments come into our relationships and work because we have not fully grasped the principle of "FIRSTFRUITS."

"FIRSTFRUITS" means that Father God is "FIRST!" He receives the "FIRSTFRUITS" of your life and ministry. Yet, "FIRSTFRUITS" continues because God set up a structure, a Divine Order, for your life. He has put certain people and responsibilities into your life that must receive the "FIRSTFRUITS" of your attentions. (For example - You are standing in the middle of a room. If three people simultaneously call out your name-- your spouse, your child, a parishioner --to whom do you turn? This shows your choice of "FIRSTFRUITS.")

If something is out of place in an area of our "FIRSTFRUITS," it will hold us back in life and ministry because it is going against a Divine Order which God has set up. Sometimes, we muddle up the other "FIRSTFRUITS" areas of our lives.

After Father God,...
who receives the "FIRSTFRUITS" of your time?
who receives the "FIRSTFRUITS" of your energies?
who receives the "FIRSTFRUITS" of your finances?
(your spouse, your children, job, ministry, friends, parishioners)

The most obvious question comes, "Can you really make the change?". When you become focused and make a quality decision to change your life and ministry to align with God's design of "FIRSTFRUITS," you will begin experiencing a new freshness and freedom.

-Pastor Gary

*************************
Then on top of this during my Bible study the topic was strength from the Lord...having the Holy Spirit to give us strength to cast off the tendencies of the world and put on what honors God.

"Lord, I want you to receive the FIRSTFRUITS of my time in the morning through my Quiet Time; of my energy in attending to the ministry to have given me when I am alert and at my best; and fiances as we continue to honor you with our tithe and offering.   Amen"

Day 109: Mountains and Wheelbarrows

Somethings in my life seem to be like a mountain that never diminishes. I sit and look at it...worry over it...wish it were never there...wish I had seen it growing from the hill it once was...wondering why I allowed it or if God allowed it to place me in this posture of total dependence upon him. 

My mountain is in the realm of finances.  Not consumer debt...it's not the things...we don't have fancy anything. We are very conservative.  Our debt is in school debt. Paying for the children and for me.  We struggled all along in our finances when the children were young. Believing we couldn't save money for college.

So, what perhaps were our errors?

• Not sending one to an affordable college for our family? Wanting to give only their heart's desire? 
• Not trusting the Lord to provide for what he called me to do...pursue my final degree. Panicking and taking the easy way out...loan.

What perhaps was just life circumstances?

• 3 children and average income...not being able to adequately save for college
• for one year there were 3 of us in college/grad school
•  We have been able to keep pace the last 4 years so that was wonderful. The Lord blessed with my Fellowship the last year of my doctoral program...that was God!
• Cost of one in Christian private school
• Cost of travel sports
• Housing market droping out from under everyone. Two homes and two mortgages.

Where was God in all of this?

• Using the degree, college experience, and even location to prepare one for ministry. Grace learned first hand.
• Molding the heart of a future teacher and missionary in private Christian school
• Committed scholar athletes. Sports that motivate and focus. Teach life skills.
• Calling of obedience to pursue terminal degree that now provides work from home to whittle away at the mountain.
• Providing so we didn't loose two homes. Enough to scape by
• Tenants to hold on to one home
• Teaching online to pay for college tuition's
• Income (tax refund) so we could go to SA...three of us! The Lord worked while we were there.
• Continued ability to tithe and give to special projects...missions.

Lord, little by little we carry away that mountain in wheelbarrow full loads.  Help us to acknowledge your provision each load. Help us to keep in mind you are our Lord and all this is yours. 

You do not condemn and have forgiven. We have learned. We acknowledge your sovereignty. You will continue to provide. Help us not to allow Satan to defeat us spiritually, emotionally. To recall...

Praise the Lord, o my soul, and forget not all his benefits... Psalm 103:2

Thank you for our wheelbarrows...give us strength to keep moving that mountain so we can pass into your promised land.

How amazing...a song that has been resonating in my mind just now began to play on my iPod....

"What I need is for you to reach out your hand. You have taught me that no matter what you would understand.... (FFH, Lord Move, Or Move Me)

Is this a coincidence? Absolutely not!  Lord, move me and my wheelbarrow. Move in a way I've never seen before!

Thank you Jesus!

Part 2: Mountains and Wheelbarrows

Mountains and Wheelbarrows:  The song that played as my gift from the Lord...just the right timing. I love it when my Abba speaks into my heart at just the right time...

Day 108: Covered

"... and I will cover you with my hand until I have passed by..." Exodus 33:22

The Lord responded to Moses pleas to "show me your ways." How often I pray this.

"Lord, show me your ways...your plans...the next steps"

God placed Moses in the cleft of the rock (protection) and then He passed by him - to show Moses his goodness, grace, mercy, glory. And, God said to Moses, "and I will cover you with my hand until I have passed by then I will take away my hand and you shall see my back; but not my face-"

Is this FAITH? I know my God is working. His attributes are sure ...I am sure of that...But His hand covers my face so that I cannot see- In those moments, Lord, when I can't see you ...you are protecting me...when I can see I look at what you have done...I must trust what I know of you...when I don't understand your ways...I can't "see" help me to remember that sometimes all I can see is your hand of protection.

Debbie, have confidence, faith. In me that I am with you ...so close my hand is covering you. There is so much of my way you can't comprehend and I will reveal when it is done and I have passed by. this is to protect you. Cling to what you know of me.

[playing on ipod..You are more then the sum of your past mistakes. You've been remade. Tenth Avenue North]

Your financial mistakes (school debt) will be a struggle - but not a barrier to my plan for S.A. Keep working hard at LU. That is my provision.


Thank you, my Father, for your hand of protection.

Amen

Day 107: Stirred or Stagnant

It bubbled up inside me as I read,

"...God specified only those 'whose hearts are stirred' to participate in this project (Ex. 25:2)." Shrier, He Speaks to Me, pg 33

The words...hearts stirred to participate! To join God in his work...to be a part of what he is about it not simply to be worker bees...going through the motions...but to have a heart stirred...to desire to be about my Father's calling.

Abba, my heart has been stirred to serve you. Specifically, in Africa with the children that have no parents...those that have only themselves to care for them. No comfort of an orphanage. Just the comfort of siblings. My heart has been stirred. My heart was stirred in Pawley's Island when I sensed your whisper to reach a community in my community here. To begin building a bridge to that community. When you tell us to go and reach our Jerusalem...

Act 1:8
"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

But the stirring and the urgency diminished as I went through my daily routine...why?

Oh, Lord, forgive me, I stopped seeking you in worship. It is in your presence that the stirring continues. I long for that but then I don't seek you with my whole heart. I am not intentional about it or set it as an unconditional priority in my day. I long for you to answer and to move us in your direction, but I'm not longing enough to set aside daily intentional time with you.

Forgive me my Father. I praise you for this awareness that brings grief to my spirit. In this still moment now I sense your whisper...

"Debbie...If you seek me with your WHOLE heart you will find me. Make me a priority in the day as I made you a priority when my son died for you. I love you and I have a marvelous plan that will stir your heart beyond imagine. I am near you even now. "

My heart is stirred.

Day 106: Faithful

You are Faithful...your joy is my strength. The words of Hillsong are playing on my IPod. Just finished daily Bible study on Lord's prayer...all about "faith" Key passage is

Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

That's the hardest part...assurance of things and conviction of things not seen, nor understood. Beyond my comprehension. I'll be honest and admit it is hard to have faith that God does know me by name...intimately. That he knows my needs...even my secret needs. that he knows my heart's desires for my family. Sometimes I think perhaps I am naive to think he will make everything work ... how can that be? And then you throw in there his permissive will.

I think specifically about our future serving Him. The future of our children. I find myself praying and confidently asking, yet hesitant that God would answer. Hesitant that I can pray the Father's will. What happens when I think it is God's will and then it turns out not being what I anticipated or thought I saw unfolding? There have been times when I thought I saw God working and moving in a specific direction only to become aware that the outcome was not what I thought it would be. Did I misunderstand? Obviously. Did I not pray enough? Perhaps. Did I lack faith? Maybe a smidgen. Do I need to just acknowledge that His ways are not mine and I am not to try and figure it out? Absolutely. I am to pray for understanding and FAITH....to accept what his plans are for today and tomorrow.

Father, give us this day our daily bread.....Father, I am confident in you. Holy Spirit help me to be aware of my Father's movement in my life and the life of those I love. Jesus, thank you for your sacrifice so that I can talk directly to my Abba. I trust you. I have faith in what I don't understand...nor see...I just know your character to be unchanging...and in that I have FAITH in your love for us. Your will be done... Amen

Day 105: Friendship

Even my best of friends can hurt my feelings. In a conversation when I'm excited and can't wait to share with them, but in return they appear uninterested. Sometimes it is difficult to discern if they are just having a bad day, thus their abruptness and seemingly condescending words. Or at least that's what I percieve...but where does that come from?

Satan steps in and keeps me up at night rehearsing conversations and causing me to begin the blame game. Thinking of the times I was corrected in my actions and wanting to show others their inperfections as well. Loss of sleep is frustrating. My mind can quickly ease into the deceivers playground.

Then the graciousness of the Holy Spirit brings a peace when I call on Him. The Lord's prayer begins to run through my mind as I focus on what ever is good and honorable. Thanking God for my friends and praying for them. Realizing that no one is perfect...especially me. Asking Jesus what I can do for my friend to bless them and encourage them.

This morning's online devotion includes
"There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" (18:24). That friend is Jesus. He promised us, "I am with you always, even to the end of the age" (Matt. 28:20).

I want to be like Jesus in my friendships. I want to be close and intimate with Christ as a friend.

Lord, help me to be like you. To stay close to you so that I can be close, loving, and forgiving in my friendships. Thank you for my friends. Be with them right now. Encourage them in a way only you can.

Amen.

Day 104- Love at a Sacrifice

Cyber Monday-everyone is looking for a "deal"...a purchase with little sacrifice.

After a very busy two weeks, preparing for gallbladder surgery, recouping from surgery, the joy of Thanksgiving with the children home and family for dinner, and preparing to preach Thanksgiving weekend (5 venues) I have been so keenly aware of God's faithfulness...aware of the gifts he has given us...overcome to the point of tears with His goodness.

• 29 1/2 years married to a man I still adore
• a beautiful daughter in law that loves my son unconditionally.
• a son that leads a vibrant growing ministry and aspires to do what he does with his whole heart for the Lord. Such a teachable spirit.
• a son that is passionate about his dreams...sensative...focused.
• a daughter that loves the Lord with all her heart and seeks his will and desire for her in all aspects of her life. A daughter that is strong, oh so strong
• a mother that has taught me to be a strong woman....she has modeled commitment to family and sacrificial love.
• First hint of mission support for our future

Evan now I have tears in my eyes at the goodness of God. How could he love me so much? Me.

And at what cost did that love come? It came with the sacrifice of Jesus. Fully God and fully man. Man meaning he hurt...beyond what I want to think about...when they killed him on the cross...tortured my King.

What is my sacrifice for Him? I believe we are called to serve the least of these oversees. Child head of households. But I pull back at the cost. I want to follow Jesus with love and joy. I'm afraid of the sacrifice of not being with my children. God, I can't imagine that seperation. But you know that don't you. You were seperated from your son for a short time as he bore my sin. That was excruiating for him and you. But, you did that becuase you loved me. You sacrificed for me because you love me.

Kroll writes in today's online devotion:

2 Samuel 24:24 (ESV)
24 But the king said to Araunah, “No, but I will buy it from you for a price. I will not offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God that cost me nothing.” So David bought the threshing floor and the oxen for fifty shekels of silver.

When David went to build the altar and make the sacrifice, he was presented with what seemed like a great deal. Araunah offered to freely give him both the land for the altar and the oxen for the sacrifice. But David rejected his offer. How could he make a sacrifice that cost him nothing? The two were incompatible.Too often when it comes to sacrifice, Christians are looking for a bargain. We want the most sacrifice for the least expense. We wants lots of gain but little pain. Yet such a combination simply isn't possible. A sacrifice is only worth what you pay for it.

If there is no cost on my part how can the sacrifice be as sweet?

Lord, make me aware of the sacrifices I make for you...financially what we will give to benevolence Thanksgiving offering....financially to align our future with your desires...time to be with you sacrificing sleep...

Oh, "Here I am to worship. Here I am to bow down. Here I am to say you are my God."

May I demonstrate to you with sacrifice how much I adore you my God.

this is the air i breathe by hillsongs with lyrics

I love this song...It reminds me of how important God's word is to my very existence. It was sung at my ordination. It feeds my prayer life.

Abba, your word is as essential to my life as the air you give me to breathe every day. May I gasp for your word as I would if air were deprived from me. You are mighty, sovereign, and all sufficient. Amen

Day 103: I can't...God can

It's been a great week and a challenging day.

Began a ladies day group, "Lord, Teach Me to Pray in 28 Days" and also had my first Discipleship huddle last night. What a blessing to my spirit.

Today I'm praying...coming before the Lord and asking Him to be who he is and help me to step back and be who I am. He is God and I'm not. He has the future in his hands, I don't. He is omnipresent, I'm not. He is compassionate and can move in the hearts of people seeking Him, I can't. I can pray...I can talk to him, I listen to him, I can seek his face, I can be assured he sees me and hears me. He can do the miraculous.

Lord, move in a way...in a way that is you.

102: Manifest presence

190

A busy last few weeks! Vision Sunday - amazing celebration of 11 years for Coastal Community Church, staff training in Creating Culture of Discipleship in SC for a week, Ladies Retreat this past weekend, and beginning a new LU term with 40 students. All good stuff but I'm a bit tired. Tonight we go to Newport News for a state missions dinner where Lonnie will present a gift from SA to the VBGB. Whew...

I'm excited that I begin a new daytime Bible study tomorrow morning and meet with huddle for first time Wednesday night.

Bec and David came home for a short less than 24 hour visit but she said she just needed to get out of Lynchburg:) It's been stressful with school, rehab, and sport. Funny how they sometimes just need to re orbit back to home for a quick refueling.

Mike's team in preseason were Gold Medal Champions this past weekend!

Kelsey traveled with us to SC and is going to be an amazing part of the ministry staff as James' wife. She contributes so much.

Soooo, What's God been teaching me? Lots! But the main thought this morning is His manifest presence. His presence that shows his imprint in my life. Times that I am so close to him that I can see him working. Times that I am so close to him that he allows me to see him in my life. He is always with us...that is his character...but there are times we witness his manifest presence. And oh are those times sweet...and empowering.

Last week in SC several things happened. After a time of prayer for our time a Pastor from another church (Connecticut) Duan, said...he felt impressed to tell me that God would be revealing something new to me...an ability...gift...something..in me that I was not to be afraid of... Then as the conference was closing participants are standing in worship and the training team members come by to pray for us. I had been standing for a while and praying specifically about what we had learned, about our future in SA and also about something we had heard about at the training...Missional Communities...that go out in the neighborhood and serve. I felt very impressed then to go to a community...under-resourced near Glenwood...and begin ministering to the children there. Several scriptures hit home...that we are going to Samaria but God wants to train us here in our Jerusalem. Also, one morning in my time with the Lord this scripture was impressed on me~

So He said, "These are the two who are anointed to serve the Lord of all the Earth."
Zechariah 2:1

Back to the prayer time...as I was praying I was thinking, "God if this is all about me it is not what I want. I want to be on mission for you. I want to move forward where you want. If you want this MC then please confirm that for me...help me to see you" Well no one had come to pray for me so I said, "Lord, if you are there please have someone pray for me and know what it is that I am praying.." it was bold! But the Lord heard me. As soon as I was getting the words out...a hand was in the center of my back...Oh I even now have tears at the thought of that moment. A sweet voice began to pray for me and her prayers were my prayers...oh my...the manifest presence of the Lord came and touched me through this prayer. She didn't know me. We hadn't spoken during the conference. She knew though through the Holy Spirit that I needed the words of she was praying. "Mission.... peace....ability to move in a new direction..."

Lord, help me to communicate well what I sense you doing in my life. Thank you as I cried out you came close in a specific way to me.

Say 101: Obedience-foundation to hearing

???

Beginning to prepare for the Ladies retreat in two weeks. I've started Priscilla Shirer's study, "He Speaks to Me." We all want the Lord to speak to us...or do we? Do we want to be held accountable for obeying or disobeying when we know he has spoken? I'm not so sure that we do. You see, if I know God is telling me I'm over indulging in food and not exercising...thus not caring for His temple, and I continue to over indulge and not exercise...I'm choosing to be disobedient. Maybe the disobedience is ever so slight in my mind, but it is there none the less.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. Proverbs 1:7

My paraphrase based on the original meaning of some words is "To respect the Lord is the essence of spiritual understanding." Fear is respect and honor, and reverence...a spiritual fear.

Steps to my obedience... write down food for 1 week, turn off face book until the retreat is over because it is a distraction on several levels - I get distracted from QT and I could be walking instead. Walk three times a week...do at least 10 sit ups a day...get moving!

Lord,
Please help me to keep to my action steps in obedience to you. I don't want to hear and not do your will. May my obedience bring clarity to your voice.
Amen

Day 100! Faith

190

How appropriate! Faith. A simple word that is the foundation of our salvation...it is what we use daily when we push on the breaks of our car...but it so easily slips away for me in my daily schedule.

I'm under a huge time crunch right now with several plates spinning...I'm not complaining because it is all good...I just don't know how I will get it done. And that's the point that the online devotion reminded me of today! It's not about me!

Philippians 4:13 (ESV)
13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

It is about Christ giving me the strength to do all things according to His will.

I have the faith in you Lord

Luke 18:27 (ESV)
27 But he said, “What is impossible with men is possible with God.”

I can do only what you see fit, Lord.

So, now I will put on my shoes, pick up my purse and head on out the door...whatever I accomplish today will be up to the Lord. I have faith that I will accomplish what He desires. I'll stay tuned in to him - my part - and he will guide my steps - his part.

Lord,
I commit this day to you. You know what I need to accomplish. I have faith you will guide my steps.

Amen

Day 99: Knowing

"You are my witnesses," declares the LORD, "and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he, Before me no god was formed nor will there be one after me, ..." Isaiah 43:10

No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived, what God has prepared for those who love him. 1 Corinthians 2:9


"You reign, forever your's is the victory...." Hillsong

"In my life be lifted be high ... " Hillsong

Oh Lord,
I long to bring you praise....to be your servant...Lord of Lords....You are so close yet I am so far from you at times. Oh, my Savior, Lord of Creation, My Lord, My strong tower, hear my prayers...I desire to sit close to you and know you more intimately. I believe you are in my life...you are hearing the prayers of my heart...you are responding, My Father....you are Holy! Several months ago I placed fleeces before you...oh, my Abba you are moving...help me not to run ahead of you...but to joyfully see the answers, see your hand. I love you, Lord. Thank you for providing and caring for our family. I pray that I will honor you...that I will come to know you in a more intimate fashion....That I will understand your will and your way...
Amen

"There's a stirring in my heart unexplainable, there's a calling on my days undeniable...and there's a fire in my bones...uncontainable....and it's causing me to burn...for YOU! I'll go anywhere...I'll do anything...at any cost for you my King!" Fee

DAY 98: Sickness

192

Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows. Isaiah 53:4a

Lord,
You are at work all around me and yet my eyes have blinders. I am sick and should be using this time simply to be with you...I acknowledge my own spiritual laziness before you. I desire my body to be your temple. Help me to know how to do this moment by moment. To take a walk...go to bed on time and get up on time...half my portions so I'm not a glutton...eat when hungry; not when bored...to fast in order to spend time with you on behalf of those I love...to beseech your hand in their lives.

Forgive me for focusing on the women's retreat as a fun time...help me to communicate it will be a time for ladies to come closer to you and tune into hearing your voice...

Help my children to hear your voice...
James as he leads
Kelsey as she seeks a job
Michael in his future after graduation and in his present
Becca as she seeks your voice for her future
Lonnie and I as we wait patiently for your perfect timing for our future service to you
Those struggling now in relationships and those that seem far from you...

Lord, you promise to hold us close..help us not to forget that you suffered physically, mentally, and spiritually; therefore, we are experiencing nothing you haven't felt. Heal us Father of our sickness.

Amen

Day 97: Pride?

What causes me to want to lose weight? Is it really that my body is a temple, or is it my pride? After doing my Bible study this morning and studying the pride of OT kings...I must admit it is pride. I want to look good! I want to be skinny and look good more so than look like I have life of self-control and healthy living. It has been more pride than pleasing my Lord because I am His temple.

Father, forgive me of my pride. Help me to know when that is an issue in my eating. Walk near and close to me so that I can become the servant you desire... physically as well as spiritually. Amen

Day 96: 194 Pounds

Don't you know that you are God's temple...and God's Spirit lives in you?
1 Corinthians 3:16

Well....

• I was an alternate so didn't get to deliberate.
• My first reaction was disappointment.
• My thought was, seriously God? You put me here and then scoot me off?
• I was relieved when the press reported the jury was hung, mistrial declared, and new trial scheduled.
• I thanked the Lord for not wasting two of my days.

• Healthy I am not...gallbladder attack and lingering symptons
• I weigh 194 pounds! There it is out on the web...Debbie Warren weights way too much!
• God is convicting me and I'm sensing - yet again - that this is a spiritual battle. I am a home ec major for Pete Sakes and I know how to eat healthy!
• I've paid Weight Watchers a lot of money in the past to loose 30 pounds...only to return to unhealthy eating and be right back where I am now. Money wasted.
• The money I would pay to weight watchers - primarily for accountability - I could contribute to an intern.
• God won't give me a piece about going back to WW.
• I am lazy and don't excercise...not even an evening walk with the dog. Pitaful!

I am doing Breaking Free by Beth Moore. This is my bondage...unhealthy eating...which produces excess weight and possibly gall bladder problems. I must depend on God to help me fight this and not man. I must be accountable to a God I can't physically see and not person I can.

For me, and only me, Weight Watchers is not what God wants me to do right now. I must depend on him.

I will sign into my blog weekly with my weight...that will be my accountability...I will see it.

Lord, help me to hold fast to you. Thank you for showing me this is a spiritual battle that I can't fight on my own. I need you to walk alongside me. For this season you are saying "No" to outside help. Be my helper. Be my supporter. Be my ultimate accountability. I am your servant and desire to serve you well with my whole body. Amen

Day 95: God of Tomorrow

El Roi ~ The God who sees me.

How easy it is to forget that God is a personal God and knows us personally. Recently I was reminded of how personally God knows my life and my tomorrows.

I was disappointed that I wasn't assigned an additional class to teach for LU. It would have meant an overlap of 4 weeks in terms which equals teaching 40 students at one time - on top of my ministry.

I realized the importance of God saying "no" to the additional assignment when I was selected to serve on a Federal case as a juror! From 240 people taking the questionnaire...72 called back...20 some dismissed on jury selection day...names in a tumble barrel...my name pulled out...both sides agreeing to me...I'm in the jury box for the next three weeks.

I know it is God that placed me on this jury and I desire to serve him well.

Thank you Father for not giving me what I initially asked for. I know ask for now and the finances to make up the difference.

I worship you, El Roi

Day 94: I Can Love ... even when it's hard

"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love."
Galatians 5:6

Recently I heard from a couple that they had agreed not to quickly say the words, "I love you" but to wait and let their actions demonstrate what love is. I know that our son and his wife during their courtship made a covenant not to say "I love you" until they had dated one year. Sounded odd to me at first...but I began to enjoy the last comments of a phone conversation, "Good night, I like you ... I like you allot!" Precious. And then on a silly movie yesterday it was said, "Love is friendship on fire!"

Love is an expression....of friendship...through acts of kindness...liking someone.

But love isn't always easy. It does take time and effort. 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 lists all the things love is and isn't. As Beth Moore points out it is by God's filling of us through the Holy Spirit that we have the capability to love. People in our lives don't always love us in return the way we want to be loved and appreciated. But that's not the point is it? Christ loved us and died for us in spite of our sin and rejection of Him. 1 Corinthians 13:8 says love never fails. Love is never without an effect. It has an effect and a power whether we see it and realize it or not.

The challenge is allowing the Holy Spirit to help me love those I, in my human self, have a difficult time loving.

Lord, guide me and Holy Spirit show me how to actively and faithfully love those that "tweak my nerves."

Day 94: Jobett

I am reading Job in one of the devotions I do. It is no surprise that God allows this book of the Bible into my life just when my life is so in need of perspective. Again it is happening.

I feel guilty and ashamed when I question my life and when I fuss about it. I feel ungrateful and just ungodly. You see I tell myself if I were more Godly I wouldn't ever have these thoughts and spiritual battles.

The past couple of days I've noticed that Job complained. Even today, beginning with Job 10:1

"I hate my life. I will be free in my complaining. I will show how bitter I am in my soul when I speak. I will say to God, "Do not say that I am guilty and punish me. Let me know why You work against me. Do You think it is right for You to make it hard for me, to turn away from the work of Your hands and favor the plans of the sinful? ..."

How comforting to see in scripture exactly what I have and am feeling!

Then in Psalm 128:1 - Happy are all who honor the Lord with fear, and who walk in His ways.

We all want to be happy in a happy and giving me what I want world. But the world is cruel and "unfair" at times. I know I've written about that word...UNFAIR. But what was really unfair was the blameless Christ dying for me in such a cruel way.

Happiness is in honoring God. The bottom, spiritual happiness is going to bed, or coming before the Lord, and knowing that your heart is honoring him. I may not agree...even like the circumstances. I am in pain...hurting...emotionally, spiritually, physically. I don't know why God allows hardship when we obey all he commands as best we can. I don't know why God doesn't just squash me like a fly when I whine at him...as if I have the right to whine.

I pray and ask...not because I am God and will get what I want....but because I trust God to be who He is and that is to do what is best for me as His child and give me the ability to walk through the yuck of this life. I trust that God is heart broken when I am heart broken.

Day 93: If Only ...

"If only I might get what I ask for, and that God would give me what I desire! If only God were willing to crush me, that He would let His hand loose and destroy me! I suffer much pain because I have not turned away from the words of the Holy One. What strength have I , that I should wait? What is my end, that I should not give up? Do I have the strength of stones? Is my flesh brass? I have no power to help myself, and a way out is far from me."
Job 6: 8-13

How many times have I said that! In the middle of challenge and hurt I so many times cry out, "Lord! God! why aren't you listening to me? Why won't you give me what I am asking?" Is there even a point in asking? So many times in the moment I want to say, "Nope. God is going to do what he wants and what I want isn't a factor." But, I say that like a spoiled child many times. Have a spiritual stomping fit.

Then later I look back at the course of events and say, "Oh my God, thank you for how you worked in that. Thank you that you didn't give me what I asked at that moment because so much more has come out of the experience."

But this gives me comfort....because "I have not turned away from the words of the Holy One" When the storm has passed I look back I know that because I didn't turn from His words, there is a peace in the midst of pain. I must above all else cling to the words of the Holy One...his promises! If I don't all is lost. Nothing will make sense.

Father, to your words, your breath, I desire to grip. Help me to do that. May I sing praises to you even when I don't get what I want...even when it is beyond hard...beyond bearable.

Amen

Day 92: Let my cry come to You, O Lord.

Let my cry come to You, O Lord. Give me understanding because of Your Word. Let my prayer come to You. Help me because of Your Word. May praise come from my lips for You teach me Your Law. May my tongue sing about Your Word, for all of your Word is right and good. May Your hand be ready to help me, for I have chosen Your Law. I have much desire for Your saving power, O Lord. Your Law is my joy. Let me live so I may praise You, and let Your Law help me. I have gone from the way like a lost sheep. Look for Your servant, for I do not forget Your Word. Psalm 119:169-176

The first portion of this scripture resonates within me! It grabbed me and I was riveted to this passage. Yesterday I was struggling but as I worked in the yard, praying, thinking and sweating, I said to the Lord, "Lord, help me! I can't keep fighting this. It's crazy. I'm obsessed it seems. I need your word." And this scripture came to me, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your path." Then I began to sing a children's song with that scripture. All day that verse brought peace. As I began to battle I began to recite and humm....

Thank you Father that your word brings such peace. Your word is the sword of our battle.

"Be still and know that I am God"....so hard for me to do in obedience because I am a fixer....so I must "trust you with all my heart" to be obedient.

May my tongue sing about Your Word!

Day 91: Hummmm

What to say today. God is faithful. He is glorious. I am human and I still struggle. The battle rages within me. My Father sees and he knows. I know and I move forward in confidence. Recognizing the battle and fighting as hard as I can.

I love you LORD and I know you love me!

Genesis 6:18 --- you have a covenant with me and my family...I am claiming that, Father.

Day 90: The Perfect Storm - I Must Shout GLORY!

Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and out stretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you! Jeremiah 32:17


Week 9 of Believing God is amazing but more so AMAZING is the timing in my life! I have been in a spiritual and mental slump. Tired of fighting and wanting to give up. Lay down and say "God, I don't know what to do...I can't fight this...it's tearing my heart out...my faith is there but oh God I don't know if you will answer and my spirit is so weak!

Now...GLORY! is this the perfect storm that you have orchestrated to show your GLORY and your POWER? It could be! Am I giving you my 100% for this battle...so that you can return 100 fold? I want to! This is a time when you can work a miracle and against all odds you can make it seen that this is only you! Your strength! Your blessing! Your outcome!

Lord, show your glory! The events leading this .... God use them to show your power so that we can behold your GLORY! LORD I can't wait to see how you will be glorified in this and I know you will!

God may I not let go of you! May my mind not wander from all that you have taught me and have shown me. May I recall daily your provision...may I not forget your benefits! May my physical strength stay strong! I want to care about this temple! May my spirit not be crushed! May my spirit focus on you and praise you daily...remove my self pity, my tendency to cry "UNFAIR"... be bitter...lay blame....

I am coming to you a big, HOLY POWERFUL GOD with confidence that you can pull this off! You are worthy!

As I move forward in this battle...oh my father I pray before you the ability to fight 100% this war of faith in you that I am in.

GLORY!

A Song that Continues to Express My Heart: Matt Redman-Blessed be Your name-lyrics video

Day 89: I Know & I Weep & I Choose

After reading these scriptures:

Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many. 2 Corinthians 1:9-11

I thank God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:3-6

I urge you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me. Romans 15:30

So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, "Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me." John 11:41-41

I wrote in the side lines of my study:

Fear brings the determination to go to the Lord in prayer, but with a confidence. Trust is being sure our prayers are being heard and God is persuaded, induced by our cry to move. To strive together in prayer includes the agony felt as we petition before God. As we cry out to him.
It is not that I don't have faith that my Father in Heaven hears and is persuaded that I cry. I cry because I know his answers don't always bring an easy path. As the song says, "You give and take away, you give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name."

I believe and sometimes I'm afraid of the answers. I trust you, but I know the road of discipleship is hard-painful- and that is what brings the tears. But, my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name. (I have posted the song on my blog.)

I am sensing that I need to set aside one morning a week to fast and pray before my Lord. To cry, laugh, and most of all be still in his presence. Will my heart be determined to follow through. Tuesday mornings....blocking it off on my calendar now.

Day 88: So Quickly my spirit changes

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, ... Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Matthew 6:25a, 27

Oh how I need His word and the presence of the Holy Spirit today. I have identified my other battle ground (in addition to finances) or to say my weak point. A place where I am most vulnerable. If I am to worry...if I am to question and beg before the Lord, it almost always involves my children. If my life can be turned upside down with one phone call...from being confident in the Lord and peaceful...to falling face down before him pleading and weeping on behalf of something...it involves my children.

There is an assumption when reading a post like this that one of our children has done something horrible, but, that is not case. For the privacy of the kids I don't want to say what it is..but it is not life threatening. And in a month or two it might even seem silly. In fact I am sure it will when I look back and see how God works.

God is at work in this...I know it. In my quiet time devotion there is a quote from George Muller...."The greater the trial, the sweeter the victory."

Oh my Father in heaven make this a living statement. Bring sweet victory in this battle. Raise up your servant and present them as honorable, strong, committed, full of determination to follow you. Bless them in their obedience to you and to those around them.

Heal my heart Holy Spirit. Fill the tears of a mother's pain with tears of your joy.

Word of God speak to me ... continue to speak to me so that I too may reflect you to my children.

Added note~ I left the blog and read the online devotion-which I haven't done in a while~
OK GOD...YOU DO SPEAK AND I THANK YOU...even though it is still diffacult:
Back to the Bible on line devotion writes this:

"Today we may have to settle for the satisfaction of knowing what we have done is right; in the future, the God who keeps impeccable records will take care of the rewards.
Are you facing a thankless task? Are your efforts going unsung and unpraised? Don't be concerned. Do what you know is right and remember that, someday, your Heavenly Father will see to your rewards."

Day 87: Nothing...

Nothing is going right....nothing is the same....nothing will work out....I've got nothing to offer...and the list of nothings could go on.

It is easy to fall into that cycle when the hardship of life steps in. To focus on the challenge and what I don't have. I'm praying for my in-laws health. Really concerned about Nanny Sue. Praying for Becca and her knee injury. A week ago I was upset over scholarships...today I'm just praying she can continue to play the game she loves. Mike's dream to play oversees...is that your will Lord? Kelsey needs a job in her career...when Lord? James needs wisdom in leading a growing ministry and timing on seminary. Shew.....

But your word is always right on time in my life:


For I know that nothing can keep us from the love of God. Death cannot! Life cannot! angels cannot! Leaders cannot! any other power cannot! Hard things now or in the future cannot! The world above or the world below cannot! and other living thing cannot keep us away from the love of god which is ours through Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

Quote from "The 365 Daily Promise Bible" page 777:
"When things go wrong in life, we may feel as though we've been abandoned by God. But we can find strength and comfort in today's scripture, for God has promised that His love is more powerful than anything in the world---stronger even than death! Our Lord will never keep His love from us, no matter what circumstances life may bring our way. There's no other love like that."

Praise you Lord for the truth...you are the truth....your love! Nothing....

Day 86: "Focus" Like My Daughter

Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits. Psalm 103:2

I have so much to learn from my daughter.

True confession today.

The Lord has been working with my spirit all night....

A Great friend sent me a text last night to tell me God news regarding her daughter, a teammate of my daughter. We were rejoicing in God's amazing outcome and answer to our prayers.

Today is the first day back on the court for the girls. I know the hard work they are facing. I know how hard my daughter works, fights her own pain to push forward, the leader and encourager she is to her teammates. I know how she encourages and demonstrates teachability, respect, determination. I also know she is concerned about her physical condition after being on mission trip and then a knee injury following that. I want to swoop in and make it all right! I don't want her to endure feeling less then the top of her game. I want to think she only hears encouragement as she is working so hard and making a contribution to this team.

I want...I want...I want... and so quickly I am back on the roller coaster ride of emotional up and downs associated with being the parent of a collegiate athlete. I am leaving the Lord's desires and promises behind to run ahead...I loose my spiritual focus.

My friend typed powerful words to me..."Becca will see so many benefits from the time she has spent on this team. She will get a better job because of what she has learned and will be an amazing coach because of it. Hard to see it now but it will happen. God will be pleased with her and bless her through this."

Oh she is so right! I lost focus. Even for a short 15 minutes. I lost the focus. God used the late night text conversation to also remind me of this verse:

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thought. Psalm 139:23

Ok, I get it...this is yet another one of my battle grounds ... my anxious thought. God is caring for and molding Bec for life beyond college! God loves her and this has been an amazing growing time for her. She sees His benefits. She wouldn't trade it for anything!

I cried two weeks ago when I looked at her mission trip pictures. I realized how God was using all she has gone through to create his workmanship...to glorify Him. On the mission field she was energetic, focused, confident of God's presence, determined, and a leader.

"Focus, Debbie, focus." I hear my Abba say, "Focus on me and don't forget all My benefits. I am focusing on Bec. This is between she and me and I've got it covered!"

Day 85: Wait

Hate that word...wait...wait in line...wait for laundry to be switched...wait for the job offer...wait for the apology...wait for God's answer...wait.

Patience...sounds much better
In His time...sounds promising

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

Love Beth Moore and looking at Strong's.... Weary-spiritless doing-to author, make ready

So my prayer is this... Lord, let me not become spiritless, far from you, in making ready what you would have us to author. I know at your time we will enjoy the benefits if we do not give up believing you and your promised land for us...where we will serve you.

The price is high...but not as high as William Carey's in the 1700's. He went to India with a clear calling from you. Took his family. Tragedy struck...son and wife died...but his impact there saved uncountable children and other lives.

Help me not grow weary....spiritless....help me to wait...with joy in my heart.

Amen

Day 84: The Eyes of God

For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. 2 Chronicles 16:9

It can creep me out if I think about someone staring at me...continually looking at me. It can make me nervous and feel like I'm being judged if I think of God looking at me constantly only to be a hard judge waiting to catch me failing to be as He desires.

But those thoughts don't go along with God's word. 2 Chronicles tells me that God is looking for hearts committed to him for a good reason. Using Strong's to understand the original language, the verse can be paraphrased~

For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to sustain and keep hold of those whose passions are complete and at peace with him.

Yes! Lord! Thank you that your eyes are looking at me to sustain me! To keep hold of me. I ask that I may continue to believe you and be at peace with your presence in my life.

Amen!

Day 83: Gigal

Then the LORD said to Joshua, "Today I have rolled away the reproach of Egypt from you." So the place has been called Gilgal to this day." Joshua 5:9

Based on the Week 8 video of Believing God.
The Hebrew people had wandered 40 years. This was the day the Lord instructed circumcision as a sign that they were no longer under "reproach" from the Lord but had entered his promised land for them. They now again bore his mark of a covenant people. There was a visible sign that they were indeed God's chosen people...set apart from the world around them.

In the middle of the Jordan (The Israelites had to cross the Jordan River to reach the land promised to them.God parted the Jordan river so they could walk over.) God asks us to move in belief and obedience towards him. Believing God is who he says he is and can do the things he says he can do.

I knew before going to Africa we were at a crossroad...the middle of the Jordan River. We had to move forward or shrink back. We are believing God and moving forward.

Based on this weeks video teaching...I am realizing I have been living under reproach. I have been carrying the shame of not preparing well for our kid's college and not trusting God to provide for my EdD. expenses. We have the school debt to show my unbelief in God's provision. I have been saying we couldn't be missionaries because of our debt. I felt shame and bondage.

Over the past week I have seen a shift. I worked on bills and with two mortgages it was impossible. I sat and looked at the numbers and said to myself, "I will not stress. I know God that you are in control. We are forgiven and doing our best. You are using this as a teaching and training time to relate to us the importance of totally depending on your provision. I don't know how you will make this work...we are ready to take whatever steps you desire...I believe you are the one to care for us and it will work. I just don't know how." With that said I walked away only a little grumpy (have to be honest) but not in a panic.

Monday night it was confirmed that God had rented the home on North Landing. The blessing is they are paying August even though they are not moving in until September and intend to be there two years. God, you are our provider. Riaan prayed that you would take this burden from us so we could focus on your intentions for our future. You answered and we are so thankful!

Lord, we walk towards you in our promised land...where we will bear fruit for you...with our past unbelief acknowledged...trusting you now to work this out. Praise you Father for we now believe and trust you 100% to make the path for us to join you in the Promised Land regardless of what we bring to you. We also ask for your wisdom to continue to make wise financial choices.

We are forgiven from our financial unbelief...we are believing you and moving towards you as you wait for us in the Promised Land.

Amen

Day 83: Our God of Today

"I love the Lord because He hears my voice and my prayers. I will call on Him as long as I live, because He has turned His ear to me." Psalm 116:1-2

Today was beach baptism in the life of Coastal. Yes, true to the first Sunday in August the skies were cloudy and it was raining. True to our God of today the rain stopped, the beach opened up and over 30 Christ-followers were baptised at the beach. God is always showing up.

I'm trying to figure out who I am on Sunday mornings. We have two amazing volunteers that are our campus Pastors at Glenwood so I can move between campuses. This is a blessing for them and for me ~ so that I can be between both campuses and talking, meeting, encouraging. But I'm struggling to get into a rhythm.

I'm trusting God in so many facets of my life right now. I know he is the God of today! I pray I am his trusting servant....

In church Hank concluded the Exodus series. On thought I can't shake...The Hebrew people saw God's provision as they left slavery...they saw God's provision...they still grumbled in the desert as soon as the going go rough...they formed their own idol...God took them to the promised land and they didn't trust that God would help them fight to inhabit it. His discipline...wander for 40 years.

Lord,
As you show us your promised land...may we not shrink back in fear due our lack of faith in you helping us to overcome the mountains. Help my weary spirit.

Give me wise counsel for my children. Listen to them as they call to you.

Amen

Day 82: Keep the flame...How?

Proverbs 6:3 Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.

Proverbs 16:9 In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

Lord,

I know from past experience that the feelings and thoughts associated with a mission trip fade in intensity. The faces loose details. We come home and we feel like we will never forget...but then life steps in. Today my facebook post was about the today list before me...laundry, suitcases, carpets, pool, and yes bills to pay with a shoestring budget. I want to keep the passion and the vision for South Africa before me. I want to wake each morning excited about the day's "to-do" list. Help me to remember each day is a day you have ordained. The joy of my family...my friends...my church...the now.

Today I am thankful that I have some money for food and shelter. Many don't.

Today I am thankful for clothes to wash in a washing machine and dryer. Many don't have clothes. Many don't have washers.

Today I am thankful for the suitcases that took us to your destination...South Africa. For your total provision in getting us there.

Today I am thankful for a home that is cool, warm and more than we deserve.

The flame comes in my attitude. For my present and my future.

The flame comes in your word. That is timeless.

The flame comes in my time with you. This is essential.

I commit all I do today to you. I commit all we will do in the future to you.

Determine our steps today and in the future.

Amen.

Day 81: God Remembers

"God remembered Noah and all the wild animals and the livestocck that were with him in the ark, and he sent a wind oer the earth, and the waters receded." Genesis 8:1

It is a challenge at times to stay focused and not loose heart. Things are going well and then the cycle of challenge moves in ... followed by a season of discourgement ... followed by despair and maybe doubt...doubt ... followed by crying out ... followed by the Lord hearing and remembering ... followed by God moving on our behalf ...

Why is it so hard at times to remember God's faithfulness? In my memory I can so quickly focus on the challenge of now that I forget God's faithfulness then! Beth Moore points out in Believing God that God remembers and God acts. His hand is moving. It is not like remembering in a human sense, as He never forgets because He is past, present, and future all at the same time.

Noah was on that big and smelling ark for a long time. I wonder if he forgot? It would be natural for him to loose focus when he saw the destruction and didn't have a clue how God was going to make it all work out. But God never forgot Noah! God Remembered Noah and acted.

God remembers his promises, his covenents, his love for us...his most beautiful creation. God allows challenge ... but will I remember his faithfulness and stand firm?

My ministry verse and life verse...

But I will establish my covenant with you, and you will enter the ark - you and your sons and your wife and your sons' wies with you. Genesis 6:18

Lord, thank you for that verse given in 1995...it was true then...your covenent of care over our family as we took a huge step of faith in obedience for me to resign from teaching and go to seminary. It has been true over the years as we have sensed your covenant of provision over our family. Thank you for reminding me of the truth of your word throughout generations. Our children are part of the covenant of protection. Amen and Amen! Praise you!

Day 80: A People Not Yet Created

Let this be written for a future generation, that a people not yet created may praise the Lord. Psalm 102:18

Back from South Africa! The one month there went quickly! Mission trip portion was amazing.
Two memories-
(1) Pastor Paul on day one looking at me and asking "Can you teach my people how to have a Sunday School?" "Yes," I replied, "When do you want to begin that?" "This Sunday." Oh my! God sent me there with now prior warning that is what I would be doing; therefore, I had no supplies. God is faithful! His word is all we needed and the rest fell into place. Loved my 6 future teachers...I am confident that the work God began in them is still going.
(2) Over 100 children desiring Jesus to be their friend, savior for ever. The honor of presenting them the message of hope that only comes from Jesus.

Exploring future ministries - second two weeks - memories
(1) In a squatters camp delivering bags of Maize for food to child head of households. Heartbreaking to realize a young 10 year old is the provider for his younger siblings.
(2) Eden (1st grade) and brother Luke (4th) at Bethany House. Eden's sweet voice and eyes as she continually found me and hug me..."You found me!" she would say. Their Father was killed in action as a police officer. Mother was murdered 2 years later. No other family to care for them properly.

God answered our prayer of ministry direction. It will be with Child head of Households identified through the under resourced churches. Also, developing plans to teach people to garden and produce food.

Through out the trip Psalm 102:18 came to my mind. Our future will involved ministry to influence generations not yet created.

The children of SA need us...The cost of obedience however is high. leaving the children God has given us here.

But I continue to here His voice, "I gave you three children that you raised to know me. Will you not go to my other children that need to know me?"

Yes, Lord, we will go.

Amen

Day 79: Beautiful Feet

...for whoever will call on the name of the LORD will be saved.

How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed? How will they hear without a preacher?

How will they preach unless they are sent? Just as it is written, "how beautiful are the feet of those who bring Good News of good things!"

Romans 10:13-15


Beautiful feet? I know some people that hate feet. Can't stand the thought of even looking at them let alone touching them! One of my greatest pleasures has always been the foot rubs my husband gives me at the end of a long day. He never grumbles even if he is dead tired. There are times my feet ache from a long hard day. He brings comfort.

Romans 10:13-15 is Lonnie's call to go to South Africa as a missionary in God's timing. He was listening to a message from Pastor Riaan (Pretoria, South Africa) during one of Riaans trips to the states. He heard this verse and he knew. "I have to go!"

For Christmas one year Lonnie gave me a picture of our feet on mission in Mozambique with this scripture on the print. It is beautiful! People don't know it is our feet until we tell them :) It is a snap shot of what God intends for our lives to be. Beautiful working feet: sandy, dirty, yet beautiful as we bring the good news of Christ to those who have not head. Missionary feet.

And the preacher part? I found my quiet husband up early one day this week-that's not the unusual part as he often is up very early - in the backyard, writing his "message."

This week we travel to Pretoria, SA on a 2 week mission. Lonnie is leading a team of 25. [Side note -Praise the Lord one of them is our daughter who is so excited she is about to jump out of her skin. The Lord provided for her to go 100%. She will be forever changed. Praise the Lord for Michael who will do a wonderful job of taking care of our household while we are gone. Praise the Lord for James and Kelsey that will keep ministry going here. ] While we are there each person needs to be ready to preach, tell about the love of Christ. He may have the opportunity to preach in a small township church. This quiet, gentle spiritual giant...preaching the Good News of Christ.

How beautiful are the feet....

Day 78: Blessing

To conceive the Lord speaking...actively bringing into action...an action of blessing over me is somehow crazy impossible in my human mind. The one almighty God of all...that I can't begin to comprehend...would care enough about me to speak a blessing, personally and with my name, over me is crazy. But in FAITH I believe it to be true. I can look at the blessings...as I named them even in my study today....Kelsey joining our family, Lonnie's job security for another year, 3 family members going to Africa in a few weeks, 2 new venue pastors at Coastal, graduation for me, teaching online at LU, paying for kids school as they go (no new debt for them) Steve and Jackie parents - Jayden!...our children's lives and love of the Lord...healing hearts...and I could go on.


Then I read the words in 1 Corinthians 4:11-12 and also 1 Peter 3:8-9. Endure and speak blessings about God and persecutors in all situations. I have so far to go! I just get mad. Lord, may by heart be more like Jesus and temper my tongue...sweeten my thoughts.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. Ephesians 1:3

Day 77: I do

"If you can?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Immediately the boys' father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

That is what I am praying right now...Lord I believe you are Jehovah ...our provider. I believe you care! Help me when my spirit and emotions are low.

Study today was from Isiah 7:14 - Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying,"Whom shall I send? and who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"
With my mouth I want to confess what is truly in my heart....we want to go in your name Lord! In my head I see the obstacles...and I get discouraged, oh so discouraged.

Then I recall two verses:

May you be made strong with all strength that comes from His glorious power, and may you be prepared to endure everything with patience, while joyfully giving thanks to the Father.
Colossians 1:11-12

But I will establish establish my covenant with you, and you will enter the ark-you and your sons and your wife and your sons' wives with you.
Genesis 6:18

Enduring hardship to be prepared. Urgh...but necessary! The key for me...while joyfully giving thanks to the Father! Knowing that he and I have a convent. He will care for us in this mission journey that began in 1995 and continues. He made the convent promise with us and my God is faithful.

The power of scripture from our mouth is tremendous. I've started a small scripture spiral card file to carry so when I need to say scripture I'll have it. It will help me also when I walk to have it to review and memorize. Thanks Beth Moore!

Lord, bring the finances to meet our needs. Forgive my unbelief. Help me to be strong and joyful. Amen.

Day 76 part II: Praise and Peace

Bible study done and I'm so excited to SHOUT- God is so real...he steps in when we need him and His word brings comfort!

Beth Moore said

• "So often we don't feel like we have the energy to pray powerfully." Amen!
• It takes as much energy to be depressed as pray powerfully. I believe that!
• Claim the mountain and declare it to move...but then she said...if God chooses not to move it...then climb that sucker and experience the mountain of transfiguration! Amen! Put it under your feet!
• When I lose heart I am allowing victory for the deceiver.
• I must SPEAK the word of God...scripture

God's Word says:

• We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:8
• Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits... Psalm 103:2

I will:

• Begin now an index card flip file of scripture to carry with me and declare...speak..proclaim..when I feeling despair.
• Pray powerfully in the name of my Lord to recognize the battle and fight it with His word and cling to his promises.
• Recite his benefits when I feel crushed!
• Work hard on refusing to accept de-powerment as whispered by the lier of all liers.

I believe my God loves us...will shape us in this time of waiting...is working in our lives.

God, I praise you for your benefits to us....

• Grace and forgiveness that is beyond my worth
• Three birth children and one by marriage that are yours
• James and Kelsey's marriage and commitment to your calling on their lives
• Bec and Mike seeking God blessed relationships
• A husband that loves you and desires to serve you with his whole heart
• A husband that loves his family unconditionally and provides for us.
• Provision for three of us to go to SA this summer
• A home that allows interns and missionaries to stay with us
• A home that is used for Bible study
• Opportunity to serve you through teaching and ministry
• Bec, Lonnie, I going to South Africa
• Support of our children in our missions calling
• An email from a friend reminding me how important it is to know she is praying for me
• Resources for food and shelter
• 1001 other blessings.....
  

Day 76: Tears and rambling

About to do my Beth Moore study but want to write before spending time with God. Why? Not sure except to see what God has in store for me today.

Life is frustrating! Always comes down to money. Lonnie and I were out at the NL house yesterday cutting shrubs that haven't been trimmed in three years and weeding flowers that haven't been weeded. It was good to have my hands in the dirt and see progress. However, the enemy attacked as I thought it would be so much simpler to just sell Court Circle...but then reality was no that's not true as the mental list began.

I realized it was fear that made me want to take that path. As I walked back into Court Circle and said, yes, this is home and where God wants us...we will just have to fight hard to keep it all balanced. Then this morning the juggling of finances to get all taken care of...having to say no...deciding what to do...and now just feeling like the cycle will never end.

Even to the point of a possible renter...all seemed going great...now I don't think they are going to rent the house. I know my God has the person. I know it! But the cycle beginning 5 years ago continues...contract--no go.....contract again....no go....contract again...no go.....possible renter....no go. My spirit is weak from possibility.

Yesterday in staff Hank said faith and fear can't co-exist. I don't believe that. I have fear of how will it all work out but I have more faith that it will somehow. What we might loose will be ok. We work so hard and I have to work so hard to have faith that God is our provider. He cares.

Still my greatest battle is being absolutely sure we are where God wants us...and absolutely trusting that God is in control...he is sovereign...and everything is His.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away...blessed be the name of the Lord.

Day 75: Obedience without Understanding

Back to the Bible

"By faith he kept the Passover and the sprinkling of blood, so that the destroyer of the firstborn would not touch the firstborn of Israel." Hebrews 11:28

I can't imagine being Moses. I major mess up...run to the dessert (this part I can associate with) and then years later a bush speaks to me and says it is God's voice. Unbelievable? Yes! But believable? Yes, when you know my God. Then God sends Moses back to his home place...imagine Pharaoh's daughter, the one that raised Moses, when she sees this scrubby man walk in 40 some years later...to talk to the Pharaoh. A better desription would be to tell Pharaoh that God said let my people go! To let thousands of people! It would only be because a bush had spoken that would have given me the undeniable confidence that God actually said it. And on top of that, Moses gives his leaders instructions on what to say to the people so that the death angle will passover their home! Use a branch to put blood over the doorframe and on the door posts.

Lesson for me....there are times I need a burning bush but I don't seem to get it... God chooses to use other methods to grab my attention. I know for sure God has spoken through His word in regards to a few areas of our lives...and now I am just waiting and praying I am being obedient.

There are times I just have to take on FAITH what the Bible tells me to be true and what I need to be about. Moses was in the dessert 40 years waiting for God's timing to use him as he saw fit. It is back to that waiting time and that trusting God even though I don't understand it! I don't want to be in the wilderness wandering around because I'm afraid to step where God says step.

Lord, some things seem crazy impossible...like the sacrifice of a lamb saving the life of a family's first born...even a death angle flying over an entire city...but the truth is it doesn't matter how crazy it is to me...you are God and I have to move when you say move and trust when you say trust.

Crazy that we can survive the financial strain we are in? Yes! Crazy that we can prepare for the next step? Yes! Crazy that God's plan would have us serve in a place foreign to us and in a manner we don't understand? Yes! As crazy to me as hearing God say blood over the door seal? In my world, yes.

But the ability to be obedient even without understanding? Yes!
Because as we are learning in Believing God:

• God is who He says He is
• God can do what He says He can do
• I am who God says I am
• I can do all things through Christ
• God's Word is alive and active in me

Mar 9:23
" 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."

I BELIEVE GOD

Lord, help me in my disbelief. Even when I don't understand, when life is hard, help me to trust you and obey. Bless my friends that are struggling right now...relationships, finances, a place to call home. Continue to place your hedge of protection around our children. Draw them to you. Bless their relationships. May they put you first! I love you, Father.

Day 74: "You"

In scripture God uses the word "you" in reference to specific individuals, groups of people, and even generations. God promised so much to Jacob and Joseph that came to be in future generations. Where my frustration comes in is discerning which you God is speaking about? I don't want to manipulate God's will and I don't want to miss the boat either!

Back to the Bible

Daniel 4:35
All the inhabitants of the earth are reputed as nothing; He does according to His will in the army of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth. No one can restrain His hand or say to Him, "What have You done?"

After writing the first paragraph of this entry I wandered over to the "Back to the Bible" site and just loved today's lesson. From the book of Daniel we are reminded that no one can change God's ultimate purpose. When God is in it and moving I can be assured it will happen. Now, the kicker might be which generation :) but I can be assured that my God is true to his word. When I am faced with challenges and what seems to be a road block I can be assured my God is going to do what he said he would do. He is a promise, covenant, keeping God. When my plans and desires are His will for my life, He will keep them safe and see to it that His will is fulfilled.

Kroll writes:

"It's a great comfort to those who love the Lord to know that He can be neither intimidated nor defeated. If they are from the Lord, whatever plans we have will unfold no matter who opposes them. Jesus said, "See, I have set before you an open door, and no one can shut it" (Rev. 3:8). Conversely, if your plans are not from the Lord, they ultimately will fail no matter who proposes them. "

Lord,

Help me to remember this! The plans that we believe you are placing on our lives, if they are your will, they are going to happen. Any stumbling blocks that we experience are distractions. You our Father will walk with us and help us to discern your timing. Forgive me when I doubt. Forgive me when I misread your "will" and take that lightly. May I spend time with you, in your word, seeking wise counsel so that I correctly discern your will. Help me, as emotional as I am, to not react to my emotions; but instead, help me to react to your will.

Be with our children. May they hear your voice individually and collectively as our future generations. I also pray for our spiritual children, all those that learn about you here in our home.

Amen.

Day 73: I'm Back!

Have you ever just been numb, lethargic, going through the motions, too lazy to journal? How do you get back up and start? Do you feel like you are on a roller coaster ride in life where there are more downs than up? You just don't get what is happening? Are challenges ever going to to be better? Who do you believe when they whisper into your heart?

Back to the Bible

Daniel 3:24 (ESV)
24 Then King Nebuchadnezzar was astonished and rose up in haste. He declared to his counselors, “Did we not cast three men bound into the fire?” They answered and said to the king, “True, O king.”

The author writes, "If you are going through a time of fiery testing, let Christ's presence bring you comfort and peace. He will hold your hand. He will walk with you. And when it's over, you will come out stronger and freer than when you went in. Don't fear the fiery furnace; trust God.
Walk with God and you'll never walk alone."

The Past Month
It has been over one month since I blogged. I have been having a quiet time but not blogging. I was so lazy and overwhelmed with "stuff" that I forgot my password, which was an excuse. But I'm back with this now ... to journal this crazy journey.

It has been a spiritually trying month. I've been so BUSY DOING that I often forgot to BE. I so quickly slipped right back into the "MARTHA" role that I forgot to be "MARY." So sadly I can hear my Lord say, "Debbie, Debbie, Debbie, you are concerned about so many things except the one thing that is most important." Lord forgive me, please. I have been busy doing and not being in your presence as much as I should. It was at times just read something and click that off the list. But in that you still were very faithful to teach me and encourage me.

I have continued "Believing God" by Beth Moore. An excellent study that challenges me and blesses me. I believe the one teaching that stands out to me is what she calls the "Later Syndrome." That is...obey God now....and wait until later for the blessing. She even says that in our obedience we may cry out..."Lord, this is a bigger mess then when we started!" But God is still working ... and maybe working on our inside, which he is most concerned with.

That's how I feel about the NL house. We knew God was moving us here over three years ago, but he chose not to sell that house. The home is empty now and we are praying about God's next tenant. We have things we have to do to that home before we can rent it. We can't sell it as the appraised tax value just dropped yet again. Amazing how it can go from 440 to under 300.
So it seems for us it always comes down to money...not enough to meet the necessities. One step forward, two steps back.

The Lord knows!

In the midst of all this...my money for the mission trip to SA is secured. Becca is funded. Lonnie is funded. We are going. It is obvious where the Lord wants us on mission this summer. We will have time to dream God's future for us while we are there. I've begun to think through the information I'd like to gather. Financially, I'm just trusting him to fill in the gaps else where.

Like with Daniel the Lord will walk beside us. When I doubt I recall pharses from different verses...
"If, the Lord replied...." God can do all things.... "I can do all things through Christ..."

I BELIEVE GOD!

Day 72: New Meaning

This past weekend and Monday,

• traveled to see our daughter and enjoyed time in her life. Listening to her life stories and seeing her enjoying teaching opportunities God has given her. Knowing in obedience she has not dated for a full year.
• We were able to encourage one son long distance in defeat and also rejoice in his individual athletic accomplishment.
• We were able to help the married kids a bit. Pray for our daughter-in-love as she takes big tests to finish her Master's degree.
• Enjoy a wonderful ministry day ...being able to visit the other campus and see the few children's teachers' hearts for the children, meeting new people excited about God's ministry at Coastal, be with friends in Bible study. See our son as a minister.
• Monday night having the joy of looking into 6 excited young people on the Water's Edge of exploring what God wants them to do for him with their lives.
• Today (Tuesday) I have the privilege to encourage 60 adults pursing God's calling on their lives through education as I grade papers.
• As a wife I walk alongside Lonnie as he prepares the ministry team and tunes his leadership skills.

What can get better than this? Then my mind reverts....

The bank account is grim....My mind easily goes to the woe is me....God are you really in this? Why? Why do I allow my mind to go there! Don't I see, recall all that God is doing through our family? The previous paragraph! God, why does my ability to rejoice in seeing and knowing how you are working in my life seem to boil down to financial prosperity? You are more concerned with my inside than outside.

Believing God

Today the Lord blessed me with an insight. My ministry calling verse is Genesis 6:18 "I will establish my covenant with you...." I always focused on the provision...safety...of that verse. God protected Noah and his family and he would protect ours.

Today in the study I learned Covenant meant a testament, or will, an arrangement, a disposition after death. And the word better....didn't mean financially better...it meant in relation to use, service excellence...not just quantity.

God, you will make our family a testament to you! You will make my life a testament to you after my death...through our children. Your desire is for our life to be better because of Christ's death and sacrifice...but that better doesn't mean more comfortable...it means better used by you according to your desires.

My final sense of what God is saying to me:
Debbie, your family will be a testimony of how I can best use you to serve me. Not just financial provision BUT service and use to me. I have established my covenant with you. You will be a testimony.....Your Abba God.

God, thank you! For our family's commitment to you and how you are shaping us to be a testament to you.

Amen