Settled when...

The chaos of moving has begun. What is staying in the house for James and Kels, going to another location for safe storage, or stored in our shed. Boxes are piling up...stuff to be organized still.  Shew!

As I was stressing in the midst of packing boxes, moving furniture - basically turning my home upside down -the other day and just wanting some order to my home I realized, "Debbie, you will not be settled now until you are in your new home in South Africa." Wow....that is true.

I sat in staff meeting yesterday realizing the plans being made were not something I would be a part of. My huddle has ended and I should be starting with another group of ladies...but now my huddle will be in SA with ladies I don't even know yet. 

Three weeks ago I heard the oncologist say, "You have a chronic type of leukemia...CLL...it's early and a type you may never really see serious symptoms from. It could be 10 years before you need treatment. In the meantime we will actively monitor you."  In those moments all you hear is "Cancer"  but I struggled to hear my Lord say, "All is well. It could be worse. We will get through this. You are still going."  

Settled when ...  I rely on the Lord of my life to give me a settled spirit. Looking forward to the new things He has for us and trusting Him with the big and little things.

Michael sent me this verse this morning and even though it is what God is using to speak into his life...it speaks volumes into mine....

Ps. 34:4  "I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears."

Praise you my Father, Healer, Provider!

I'm settled when ... I trust you.

Caged? No way!

Lonnie submitted his retirement papers, James and Kelsey are scheduled to move in, decided what furniture stays (somewhere), goes (somewhere); passports are in and ready for the SA visa process; meeting with tax accountant scheduled; 3 big fund raising event dates set...

Crunch time spiritually? Yes sir it is!  I'm doing pretty good thanks to a great book I finished a few weeks ago....

The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson

It changed my prayer life. 

• Be bold in prayers.
• Be specific in prayers.
• Don't insult God's power by praying wimpy prayers! I like that one best.
• Be consistent - keep praying and circling that prayer.

My prayer circles and scripture promises include:

• My children and their spiritual journey....Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it....
• Our mission to South Africa...the calling and the vision....He who began this good work in you will be faithful to complete it on the day of Christ Jesus.
• Our financial support ... everything is possible for him who believes!
• My peace....Be still and know that I am God...my peace I give you...

A key scripture right now to me that seems to overpower my doubts, fears, moments of distress...

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again, Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the Peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.    Phillipians 4:4-7

Oh, I've had my meltdowns, my fears, my worries...but I just have to cling to these promises and what I know to be true.

I started a new book by Batterson titled Wild Goose Chase    "Wild Goose" is the Holy Spirit's name given by Celtic Christians. Batterson says it hints at the mysterious nature of Holy Spirit.  We are to chase after the will of the Holy Spirit.  An amazing quote written by Batterson jogged my spirit. It that speaks about us not following the adventure, nudging of the Holy Spirit:
"Sure, you can choose the safety and predictability of the cage, forfeiting the adventure God has destined for you.  But you won't be the only one missing out or losing out.  When you lack the courage to chase the Wild Goose, the opportunity costs are staggering.  Who might not hear about the love of God if you don't seize the opportunity to tell them?  Who might be stuck in poverty, stuck in ignorance, stuck in pain if you're not there to help free them? Where might the advance of God's kingdom in the world stall out because you weren't there on the front lines?"

This is the heart of Abba's Pride. This is why we are going.

Oh my,  Lord,

Please don't let us stay caged and in fear not to follow your Spirit's leading.  Children are stuck in poverty. Children are stuck in ignorance because they can't attend school. Children are stuck in pain because they have no hope or love.  Abba, make the way for us to follow you to South Africa. Bring the financial resources. We will live on what you give. But bring the resources to feed the children, care for them in daycare centers, send them to school and most of all help churches be their safe place where they learn of their Abba Daddy's love for them.

Amen.

Stop Pleading and Start Praising

Recently we had the amazing privilege to sit with three seasoned missionaries for wise counsel. The Smith's and Credo (from South Africa).  After an evening of encouragement and wise counsel I honestly left feeling overwhelmed and somewhat apprehensive about our ability to be in South Africa in July, 2012. I even turned to Lonnie and said, "Honey, you best not drop that retirement package just yet!"

What was the big deal? True to my battle ground...hearing that we should have the first years support in the bank before we leave. $60,000!  This allows us to be secure and launch the ministry well. We currently have just enough to buy or tickets there and 30% of our monthly needs pledged.

Lonnie and I talked briefly about the challenge on the way home...but not specifics.

I wrestled all night.

The next morning, a Sunday, we each had our quiet times in different rooms but God was speaking to our hearts in unison. He was giving us a plan...an encouragement and a plan to move towards the goal. We realized this after our QT's when we were talking about what God was teaching us.

If that wasn't encouraging enough the songs in my QT were of hope, and faith. The verse of the day on a Christian radio station was the same one God used to confirm the launching of Coastal Community Church...Phil. 1:6  Being confident of this that he who began a good work in you will be faithful and complete it on the day of Christ Jesus.  I about jumped out of my skin and wept.  Lord you are here. Lord you are there! Lord we are going there!

Reading The Circle Maker, by Mark Batterson, is also God's timing and encouragement. Two brief sections this morning were affirming and convicting.
    (1)  "There are moments in life when you need to stop pleading and start praising. If God has put a promise in your heart, praise Him for it.  You need to celebrate as if it has already happened.  You need to stop asking, because God has already answered.  And for the record, even if God doesn't answer the way you want, you still need to praise through.  That is when it's most difficult to praise God, but that is also when our praise is most pure and most pleasing to God."
  (2) "Nothing honors God more than a big dream that is way beyond our ability to accomplish.  Why? because there is no way we can take credit for it."

Wow! I'd say $60,000 in 5 months is a God sized dream, an "us"  impossible miracle.

But, I'm praising the Lord because he is a work and what he began he will finish (Phil 1:6)! He established His covenant with us many years ago (Genesis 6:18) and has been faithful to it.

Thank you Father for providing a way for us to be your servants in South Africa. Thank you for providing a base support of $60,000 before we ever leave and providing our every need while we are there. You are an awesome God!  AMEN

  
    

Take My Life...

Listening to the song "Take my Life" on my ipod during my quiet time caused me to cry. I really heard the words and felt what they meant. Take my life...my silver and gold...my intellect...my feet...my words...How easily I have sung the words in the past and yet this morning it hit hard. People ask how we are as we transition to SA...it is a journey...but it is one that requires all of us...to leave behind what we have known and move into the unknown.  Yet I was looking at videos last night and came across the one above and my heart ached to be with them...

Take my life Lord and let it be consecrated to you...for you and because of them...

New Year...Big Year

I've been slack! I'm thankful for a new year and opportunity to begin again. The Lord must just look at me and sigh at times thinking, "Ok, Debbie, let's give it another go!"  Oh, how he does love me!

Now that I've completed my Physical Therapy from the injury and surgery first of August I have 5 additional hours to my week. No more excuses!

This is what I've set as my goals:

• Read the Bible through - got the plan and already began
• Keep up with my online blog which acts as my journal - passwords reset and written down:)
• Be bold in my prayers - reading the Circle Maker by Mark Batterson
• Transition well from the States into the Mission field

There it is in a nut shell! This is going to be a big year and it will take me spending consistent time with the Father. 

Prayers for our children:

• Becca to receive an overseas teaching position after graduation in May
• Michael to dream the new dream and successfully launch his finance career. Connect with a faith community in St. Louis.
• James to continue in Seminary and balance marriage, ministry, school
• Kelsey to launch her Life Coaching career

Here's a new song that I love...The Broken Ones...I see the faces of the children I haven't met yet...thanks Becca for sharing it with me!

Week 2 Day 3

Luke 3:21-37

Jesus' Baptism and Genealogy

• v. 21 "And as he was praying, heaven was opened and the Holy Spirit descended on him in bodily form like a dove.  And a voice came from heaven:  "You are my Son, who I love; with you I am well pleased."

As Jesus was praying the Father spoke to him.  How often do I miss what the Father wants to say to me because I'm not talking (praying) to him.  It's hard to talk with someone that is ignoring you.

Genealogy - seems boring but it actually shows God's faithfulness.  Through generations and generations men were instructed and love in preparation for the Son of God.  Our family history is important. Perhaps some of us have difficult fathers...mine was an alcoholic while I was living at home...but he loved the Lord and recovered from alcoholism  before he died. My children never knew him as an alcoholic.  If it was important enough for God to say to Jesus, "I love you" then our human children also need to hear this affirmation from us. Tell your children you love them!

Lord, help Lonnie and I to raise, continue to invest in, our adult children. They carry our DNA into future generations that only you can see. Help us to point them to you. To never miss an opportunity to tell them we love them! I praise you that you have taught us, and guided us, in how to parent them.  Also, thank you for desiring to speak to me every moment. Help me to be in connection with you and make that effort to hear from you.  It is vital to my existence. Amen

Week 2 Day 1

Luke 3:1-20

John the Baptist makes the way for Jesus. He is clear that he is not the Messiah.  When he teaches people about  being judged and like fruitless trees cut down,  the people begin to ask..."What should we do?" John's response is on actions...actions that demonstrate love and grace.  But, he goes on to tell them one will come that will baptize with the Holy Spirit and fire. 

• Actions do not replace a spiritual experience with the Father. We can be good caring people and not have experienced a life change and the Holy Spirit living in us.

Father,
Help me to remember my spiritual connection with you is vital. If I don't spend time with you then I will shrivel up and become a person of good deeds. I want to be a person in spiritual connection with you.
Amen

Week 1 Day 7

Community-Fuse Service

Last night we went to FUSE service. The message was centered on Community and why we desire community in our lives. A couple of important points:

• In the beginning ...God is  God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit.
• God created us ..."in our image"   God is in relationship and community a the trinity
• When mankind experienced the "Fall" in the Garden of Eden our intimate, perfect relationship with God was severed.  We have an inner desire for that type of relationship and will try to fill it in various ways. The only real way to fill that void is to have the relationship with God.
• I believe when God created us to desire community...it is what prompts us to share the Gospel...to care about others and want them to be with us in eternity. If I didn't care, was self focused and content to be alone, then I wouldn't build relationships that would afford me the opportunity to share Christ. Relational collateral, I believe, is huge in evangelism and discipleship.

Father,
Help us to see the importance of community and being with others...not just for our fun but for your purposes also.  Help me not to so busy that I miss this important piece of how you created me.
Amen

Week 1 Day 5

Luke 2: 1-52

I love this peek into Jesus' life. He is a boy, age 12. His family has traveled to Jerusalem for festival and are returning home. We have to remember that men traveled in the front together and women with the children in the back. Jesus was in-between age so it would have been ok for him to be either place. 

Three things stand out to me as read this passage this time:

• v51  The second time that it is mentioned..."But his mother treasured all these things in her heart."  As a mother I need to capture and treasure moments in my heart that involve our children. I don't know the future of their lives. Every moment and experience with them is a gift.
• v 52. Jesus grew just like children today grow...in wisdom (intellectually) and stature (physically) in favor with God (spiritually) and man (socially).  
• Jesus was at the temple. It was a safe place. 

Lord,
Help us to know what you would have us to do as cross-cultural workers to make the churches safe-zones for children and to meet their developing needs. Children you know but we have yet to meet.  Give us your eyes and wisdom, Father.  As we begin our transition help me specifically to capture special moments and conversations with our own children in my heart. To have a place I can draw from in the hard moments once we arrive in country and I miss them terribly. Mary didn't know what was coming for her son. She treasured moments that as a mother I am sure were priceless.
Amen

Week 1 Day 5

Luke 2:25-40

Simeon and Anna. Old. Faithful. Waiting. What stands out in this scripture to me? They were faithful and never gave up. They trusted the Lord's faithfulness and God honored them. They saw the Messiah and blessed his parents. 

Also,

• vv. 37-37   "and then was a widow until she was eighty-four.  She never left the temple but worshipped night and day, fasting and praying. Coming up to them at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem."

Anna never remarried. Instead she committed her life to prayer and fasting. It's been such a long time since I've seriously fasted. Not seriously as in length...but in focus and purpose.  That's what I'm going to think about today... the spiritual discipline of fasting and how God would have me implement that into my life again. So that like Anna, I will be ready when God has a task before me...at that very moment.

Lord, help me to grow in my spiritual disciplines...not out of desire for pure habit but out of desire to be closer to your heartbeat...so that I won't miss your moments for me. In our retirement we are going to serve you. We are not as old as Simeon and Anna...but we are older and wiser then we were. Help us to grow in our wisdom and knowledge of you through our time together in prayer and worship.  Use us for your moments.  Amen

Week 1 Day 4

Luke 2:1-14

I can't count the number of times I've read the account of Jesus' birth. Believing, however, that the Lord's word is alive, real, and always teaching through the Holy Spirit's leading I was anticipating what I would "underline" this day.  The Lord never fails.

• In v. 7 "..., because there was no room for them in the inn."
• Is this me? Is there no room for the Messiah in my life because I am too busy filling it up with other things...some good things?  As Joseph knocked on doors does the Lord knock on my heart only to hear me say, "I don't have room for you in my life today."  Sadly, I do say that. I allow my calendar to fill up with good things, people, events, responsibilities...so that when the opportunity arises for me help someone...I don't have time.  Sometimes I don't even see the need I've become so busy.
• God had Joseph and 9 month pregnant Mary travel by donkey for 70 miles so that Jesus birth would be in the location fore told.
•  Seriously God, you could have had them go earlier and just stay there...talk about just in the nick of time. Poor Mary...words that would come to my mind, "It's not fair"..."It's not suppose to be this way."   God, even here the circumstances were not important to you...all things are according to your time...not ours.  

Lord, even in the birth of your Son you were not so much concerned about our physical comfort and peace of mind.  Mary had to be uncomfortable in the journey on a donkey, birthing in a barn with animals and all that go with them.  Help me to accept the plans and timing you have for our lives.  You chose this time for Mary and  the place for Jesus' birth. A sign of humble beginnings...a servant's heart. It all had eternal purpose.  Help me to remember this when I begin to fret and complain about my circumstances. May I repeat as Mary did, "I am the Lord's Servant." Help me to remember this even with our children. The challenges  I see them endure. I trust you Lord that you are working all things for their good.  Amen

Week 1 Day 3

Luke 1:46-80

Mary praises God for her pregnancy, Zechariah praises the Lord, and John the Baptist is born.

Mary says:

• v 50. His mercy extends to those who fear him from generation to generation
• v 53. he has filled the hungry with good things.

Zechariah prays:

• v. 74. "...and to enable us to serve him without fear..."

Lord, help us to impact the generations, children, that will teach their children about you. May their hungry souls be filled with the goodness of you. May their physical stomachs be filled with food. Help us to meet their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. As Zechariah prayed for his son John, I also ask that I am able to serve you  with out fear. Without fear of the unknown:  how will we live, will we have enough support, what will we do, will we be accepted by the Pastors, what will we actually do to impact the lives of children, can I emotionally handle seeing the hurt, pain, death?  Father, enable us to move in your will without fear.  Amen.

Luke: Week 1-Days 1 & 2

Starting a study of Luke with Coastal. Each day we will read a section of Luke and respond. This will take us through January.  I will record each day what stands out to me in the passage, what I hear God saying to me through the passage, and my prayer response.

Week 1 Day 1
Luke 1:1-25
What struck me was the fact that Zachariah, a Priest serving in the temple, sees an angle that tells him his prayer has been heard and will be answered. The circumstances, life circumstances, seem to make his prayer request impossible to answer, so Zachariah asks in verse 18 "How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years."

The Priest in the presence of the angle Gabriel still had difficulty grasping the divine and miraculous in his finite human mind. 

Lord, help my wavering faith when it comes to our ability to go to South Africa to serve you. We know the call and we see you at work. Yet, I still struggle with the practicality of all the pieces coming together.  I am trusting in you Father and I know you will deliver us. Amen


Week 1 Day 2
Luke 1:26-45

Gabriel visits Mary to tell her she will give birth to Jesus.  Mary's reactions went from

• v.29 " Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be."

to

• v. 38 "I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." Then the angel left her.

to other's seeing something in her belief

• v. 45 "Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!"

Lord, there are times I'm troubled with what you say to me...but my prayer is that I will always respond as Mary did..."I am your servant"  and that others will see in me my faith and confidence in you.  May my life be a testimony of your faithfulness.  It will be accomplished in our lives as you have ordained!  Amen

Day 147: One Step Changed My World

It was the end of July...the last Thursday to be exact. After a great day of VBS I was taking the trash to the dumpster, then in a moment found myself on the pavement looking at ankles that didn't look "normal."  I had tripped off the curb,dislocated my ankle, broke my leg-ankle-foot and seriously sprained the "good one."  It's been a long recovery with surgery, plates, screws, wheel chairs, crutches, braces, and therapy. Being non-weight bearing for 7 weeks was humbling and a challenge.

People ask, "Do you think God did this to get you to slow down?"  I have to chuckle inside.

I don't think that is what my major reminders and  learning have been over the past months. My life lessons have been:

• Lonnie is the living example of "in sickness" as he cared for me without one single grumble for weeks on end.
• Your life can change in a flash.
• It didn't take much to derail my spiritual routine.
• There are times you must depend on others.  Independence is not an option.
• Prayer is vital.
• Conversations with the Lord are continual throughout the day.
• The "church" comes in human form. It is a living, breathing, loving organism.
• Handicap restrooms aren't as accessible as some may assume.
• Mission work can go on...with the help of lifelong friends and determined heart.

Could this have been a spiritual attack? Yes, it absolutely could have been. However, with the Lord always there, and my desire to lean in even closer to his heartbeat, we made it through the long and busy networking month of August. We were able to visit churches and associations to share with them the passion God has placed in our hearts to tell the "least of these", children living alone in squatter camps and townships as orphans, about the love of Jesus.

Here I am, Lord, send me...wheelchair, crutches, braces...send me.

And He did!

Day 146: Confirmed- We are crazy!

Reading "One in a Million" and more thoughts:

• God strategically placed the Israelites in a desperate place...blocked in with backs to the Red Sea so that He could perform a miracle and demonstrate his power.  Perhaps, He has strategically placed us in this position for the same reason!
• God purposefully took the people to a time when they had no food or fresh water...God provided a miracle to give them fresh water...God provided a daily miracle to give them manna and quail...Daily what they needed.

Priscilla  Shirer writes:

Oh yes, that wilderness.  He knew your supply would run dry.  So not every feeling of emptiness is the result of your doing something wrong.  Not every growl in your spiritual stomach comes from being faithless or from doing things in the wrong order.  Sometimes it's just a test to see what (to see Who) you're really counting on to keep you satisfied, an opportunity for Him to show you His supernatural, miraculous power in your emptiness. ....His reason for showering them in manna from heaven was so they would "know that I am the LORD your God"  (p. 92)

After sharing with Lonnie the above nuggets he sent me the following email:

Today I was reading in 2 Cor 5: 13-15  where Paul says “Hey, if we look crazy, it’s just because we’re serving God against all human understanding.”  

The commentator goes on to say that ‘if you’re serving God and someone says you’re crazy, then you are in good company, because they said the same thing about Jesus.’ In Mark 3:21 they said, “He has lost his senses” and in John 10:20 “He has a demon and is insane”. Yes, it is crazy to go up to someone who hates you and tell them about the Love Jesus has for them. Yes, it’s crazy to quit your job and move somewhere you’ve never been to be a missionary. Yes, it’s crazy to abandon all worldly security to follow Jesus. Yes, it is practically psychotic to walk all over the place to tell people about the gospel when they are going to rob you, beat you, stone, you and try to kill you. But Paul says, “the love of Christ controls us. Since He died for me, I can certainly die for him.” 

So, not only do we have our toes in the water with our backs up against the wall, we are also crazy. 

 Love you

So, today I'm agreeing we are crazy and  in between  the army and the water...our toes are in the water and we need a miracle....maybe we already have it? Steady contract work from Liberty ...regular income to take care of our financial obligations here in the states.   Because we have obligations here that will require Lonnie's retirement and my Liberty income we will absolutely depend on the Lord to provide our daily manna and quail in South Africa.  It will 100% be us living on what he will provide for us.  The faith journey will be his financial provision and not ours.  It will be by his might and not ours.  As he provides we will know His desire for us to be there.

We will, we must depend on him as our Jehovah Jireh! By His power and might alone will we go!

We are "crazy" in love with our Lord.

Day 145: Wilderness

I'm enjoying "One in a Million" so much!  This morning the chapter was "Why Me?"  That's been a question on my mind and off my lips over the past 6 years. We we obedient, the best we knew to be. We are being obedient going to Africa...and yet the looming home situations cause me to think..."why us?"

A quick couple of quotes and thoughts from the book:

• He put you through hard times, He made you go hungry.  Then he fed you with manna, something neither you nor your parents knew anything about, so you would learn that men and women don't live by bread only; we live by every word that comes from God's mouth.   Deuteronomy 8:3 (MSG)
• "Figuring out the wilderness is not our job.  If we'll just yield to God's purposes for us in the wilderness, He will protect us from ourselves and prepare us for our destiny."  pg 75
• God's not cruel and often the wilderness is better then the easy path. Maybe not physically, but spiritually God teaches us about himself, hones our spiritual selves...in the wilderness.
• Moses to the people at the end of the wilderness journal. "Remember that the LORD your God led you on the entire journey these 40 years in the wilderness, so that He might humble you and test you to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep His commands." (Deut. 8:2 HCSB)

We are struggling to clearly know God's will for our financial situation as we move forward. We know that on the other side of what feels like a wilderness journey we will be stronger and know God's provision with greater depth...know his voice.  

Lord,

We are waiting to know what it is that you want us to do.  We will fight and struggle to figures that out. We can see how you would be glorified and we would be stretched and blessed in both of our options. We just need to know your will...have your peace we are making the right decisions.

Speak to us and thank you for the journey....really, God...we praise you for this season.

Amen

Day 144: Experience Him

Who is Jobette? Me (smiling). The life of Job has intrigued me for the past 6 years as we've struggled through our life challenges. My nickname to myself as challenges come up, is Jobette. A simple reminder that God allows trials and hurts into our lives.

Buy why? While reading PricillaShirer's One in a Million this morning something she wrote beamed out like a light in the pitch darkness. Shirer writes of Job:

     "Why would God lead a person like this to the wilderness?  Maybe the answer we're seeking comes at the end of Job's ordeal.  After a long, torturous run through some of the driest, dustiest conditions ever known to man, Job was able to articulate something he could never have put into these kinds of words before.  He said to the Lord, 'I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear'--back when I was safe and secure in my happy, unhurried world--'but now my eye sees You' (42:5). Now I know You by experience."

She goes on to speak of God's reasoning for leading the people in the least direct path to Canaan. Even though there was nearer route why would God take them the long way? (This is before their refusal to go into Canaan)  "The People might change their minds" (Exod. 13:17).   Change their minds means they might have regrets or a change of heart.  

Have we gone through all we did to experience first hand God's provision? We didn't loose everything! He has provided the necessities for us...and a few bonuses. We have more than heard of God's provision.

We know Him by experience.

Perhaps, OK, not perhaps...my home has been an idol in my life. I realized it when I was preaching my last series and defined an  idol as something we trust, have faith in, more then God. 

This is what I sensed God clarifying for me:  I'm not sure I trust God that I'll be able to have a nice home when I get back from Africa...what will the interest rates be? Cost of living? Where will we have to be? Where will we work to even qualify for a home? Will a short sale ruin our credit?  So I'm trusting that if I keep this home my future will be taken care ... I'm placing trust and faith  in a physical structure more so then in God.

Ahh ha! God had us fight to keep above water so we would "Know Him by experience"

It is by experience that we will continue to know him...our minds to have no regrets as we place our feet on South African soil. How freeing would that be...not to worry about mortgages here...tremendous!

Father,
You know me so well. I am a hands on learner.  Thank for your revelations and insight this morning. Continue to lead us in your path...the direction you would have us to go. To relinquish what you would have us relinquish. Or even to fight for what you would have us fight for. 
Amen

Day 143: Anxious thoughts

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts;and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way"  Psalm 139:23-24

"... You anoint my head with oil"  Psalm 23:5

Recent life lessons are focusing on my mind and outlook.  It is so difficult to stay focused and a conscious effort to look for my God in the middle of hurt and disappointment.

What are the chances? We were told within the same week that both of our mothers have breast cancer. In fact, they were both having a biopsy the same day in different locations. My mom's was discovered early and the outlook is promising. I have a peace about that. Nanny Sue's is much more advances - it had moved also to her lungs and colon. She has begun oral chemo therapy. This is a harder one to have a peace about.

The dilemma of our home situation looms heavy. The decisions hard. Short sale because both homes are upside down. How embarrassing is that to say? Horrible. To have lived in one home for 20 years...make a conscious effort not to incur needless debt...waiting for God's house for us to retire in. When we sensed God's nudging we made the move. Then the world stepped in.  Did we wrongly hear God? I don't believe we did. When I think of all the faith building we experienced and opportunities to see his provision I see his plan, his love, his provision.  Did God make a mistake? He doesn't make mistakes. My challenge...God, what do we do now? We need wisdom cloaked in faith and trust in you our Soverign God.

Africa. Two sick mommas. Two homes upside down.

Make sense?  No

What to do? Don't know

Spiritual battle. Trust God as much for the years beginning  6 years into our future after we return as much as we are trusting him now and for the 5 years on the field.

Walk away? Do we short sale and stick the mortgage company...if they will even accept a short sale.

Is this scriptural? Honorable? Are we depriving God from demonstrating himself  as Jehovah Jireh once again?

Lord,
Lead me in the everlasting way. Like the shepherd placed oil in the sheep's nostrils to prevent parasites from entering and causing the sheep's head to hurt and be distracted. Place the oil on my head so that I'm not distracted by the world...I want what you want...to know your will.  Please bring answers and remove my anxious thoughts. I don't want to take them with me to South Africa.

Your confused servant

Day 142: The Joy of The Lord

"Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!”   Nehemiah 8:10

There are times when circumstances are so crazy  you have to make a choice- cry or laugh. There are times when continued challenges are chosen to be viewed as either  the deceiver trying to rob you of all your joy and nothing more, or the Lord's opportunity to work.  Recently in one of those times we chose joy and to remember as Joseph said to his brothers, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."  (Genesis 50:20)

6:30 am on a Saturday morning -  "Mom, you'll never guess what?  I'm broke down in the middle of the intersection, pushed car to side. Tow truck on the way."   Thus we were on our way to Lynchurg to the rescue and recover a car with 170,000 miles. 18 hours later mission accomplished

Monday/Tuesday - search and find a solid and affordable used car for our girl. Praise the Lord we were blessed!

Monday one week later

• Afternoon phone call #1:  Daughter's new to her car has to be towed to dealership. Won't start. New ignition switch needed and repaired.
• Afternoon phone call #2: from daughter-in-law driving our car for work...belt broke - car needs to be towed.
• Raining - can't drive the truck because windshield wipers work sporadically.
• Waiting for tow truck in Norfolk - car we are driving to meet tow truck won't re-start. Get it going once tow company arrives and are able to drive this one home.

It seemed like one calamity after another. I actually believed at one point I couldn't take one more thing...I was ready to just jump off the ship. The final straw was the car not starting that we were waiting in to meet the tow truck to tow the other car! I said to myself...seriously...3 tow bills in one day for the Warrens...go figure!

I had to do a switch in attitude...the verse above kept coming into my mind and spirit! Thank you Lord for the joy of laughter! Knowing you are with us and we will be ok.  Knowing that we may endure much greater challenges in Africa. Can we laugh and maintain our focus then? This is a preparation season. Praying the Lord will allow our two vehicles to last 11 more months...Lord, please...11 more months.

The passage from Nehemiah is well known. What may not be so well known is the people have been crying and wailing as they have listened to the God's word being read. The prophet tells them...stop crying...go and be merry.  It's good to be broken and convicted by God's word.  There are, however, times when it is better to rejoice in the Lord and it is just the joy of his presence and knowing he is in control, he sees, and he cares, that causes us to laugh.

Laugh I did!

Day 141: Jehovah-jireh

My tendency is to focus on what needs to be done, what we need, what the challenges are, etc.  Instead of focusing on what God has done and is currently doing.  Why am I that way?

This week I have had two opportunities to hear how God provides Daily. First,  JD, our Ex. Pastor, was leading devotion and spoke of the Israelites daily Manna and Quail.  God providing just enough for that day. They couldn't stock up...expect on the eve of the Sabbath so they could rest on the Sabbath, otherwise the manna and quail would spoil.  Daily provision.  The connection was also made to our daily time with the Father. We will go through an intense season of QT's and then the pace of life picks up so we slack off thinking we have enough to keep us going. But, in reality, that's not the case. We need daily time and feeding from the Lord.

Second was at our ladies Bible study this week one member had her mother that is visiting from out of state with her. Her name is also Debbie. Debbie for several years was on staff as the Missions Pastor for her church. She went through the tragedy of losing a 21 year old daughter to cancer in the matter of a few months.  I don't want to forget one thing Debbie said, "God taught me that he is giving me grace for this day...just this day." 

On top of these two occurrences, I'm reviewing the names of God from the Bible study and am struck by El Shaddai - all sufficient one. Some scholars believe this name is connected to the life coming forth from a mother's breast to her child. The breast is all-sufficient to the child.  My thought is the child only receives the nutrition it needs for that time span and then must nurse again.  The infant can't stock up for an extended amount of time. Without regular, daily, nursing the child will whither. I need to call on El Shaddai daily or I will absolutely whither.

My Lessons ~

• Daily time with the Father is not an option...no stocking up...it is essential
• God provides what I need daily and that's what I'm to focus on. His goodness now.
• He is the God of the future...not me.

Where do I see God now?

• Lonnie completed BE I, II, and is in final stages of BE III . He is working on the ministry plan. He will have a coach for 12 weeks as he refines it.  It will be a foundation of our ministry.
• A mission partner supplied the bulk of the tuition for BE I, II, & III
• Lonnie is excited to complete the ministry plan...there is such joy in his spirit.
• LU sent me a one year contract as a full-time online professor. This means I am assured 9 classes this year and will be paid semi-monthly. In the past it has been a wait and see if I have a course and the pay is one lump sum 3 weeks after the course ends.  This is HUGE in anticipating income for the mission field. The Lord just gave assurance and regularity of income.   
• A talented web designer has volunteered offered to help me with our web page.
• God is building networks for His ministry. We had a marvelous meeting with an individual that works for a non-profit that produces Character Education curriculum for use in 3rd world countries. They are setting up an office in Pretoria, SA this summer.  This organization also has connections with JAM. JAM is another ministry we will be speaking with in regards to partnership.  We walked away excited that is weaving his ministry together!

What's my take away?  God is my daily provider...grace for this day...filling of my spirit for this day. Each morning I must do the work of seeking after Him.

Jehovah-jireh, I praise and thank you for all your provision! Amen