Day 107: Stirred or Stagnant

It bubbled up inside me as I read,

"...God specified only those 'whose hearts are stirred' to participate in this project (Ex. 25:2)." Shrier, He Speaks to Me, pg 33

The words...hearts stirred to participate! To join God in his work...to be a part of what he is about it not simply to be worker bees...going through the motions...but to have a heart stirred...to desire to be about my Father's calling.

Abba, my heart has been stirred to serve you. Specifically, in Africa with the children that have no parents...those that have only themselves to care for them. No comfort of an orphanage. Just the comfort of siblings. My heart has been stirred. My heart was stirred in Pawley's Island when I sensed your whisper to reach a community in my community here. To begin building a bridge to that community. When you tell us to go and reach our Jerusalem...

Act 1:8
"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

But the stirring and the urgency diminished as I went through my daily routine...why?

Oh, Lord, forgive me, I stopped seeking you in worship. It is in your presence that the stirring continues. I long for that but then I don't seek you with my whole heart. I am not intentional about it or set it as an unconditional priority in my day. I long for you to answer and to move us in your direction, but I'm not longing enough to set aside daily intentional time with you.

Forgive me my Father. I praise you for this awareness that brings grief to my spirit. In this still moment now I sense your whisper...

"Debbie...If you seek me with your WHOLE heart you will find me. Make me a priority in the day as I made you a priority when my son died for you. I love you and I have a marvelous plan that will stir your heart beyond imagine. I am near you even now. "

My heart is stirred.

Day 106: Faithful

You are Faithful...your joy is my strength. The words of Hillsong are playing on my IPod. Just finished daily Bible study on Lord's prayer...all about "faith" Key passage is

Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

That's the hardest part...assurance of things and conviction of things not seen, nor understood. Beyond my comprehension. I'll be honest and admit it is hard to have faith that God does know me by name...intimately. That he knows my needs...even my secret needs. that he knows my heart's desires for my family. Sometimes I think perhaps I am naive to think he will make everything work ... how can that be? And then you throw in there his permissive will.

I think specifically about our future serving Him. The future of our children. I find myself praying and confidently asking, yet hesitant that God would answer. Hesitant that I can pray the Father's will. What happens when I think it is God's will and then it turns out not being what I anticipated or thought I saw unfolding? There have been times when I thought I saw God working and moving in a specific direction only to become aware that the outcome was not what I thought it would be. Did I misunderstand? Obviously. Did I not pray enough? Perhaps. Did I lack faith? Maybe a smidgen. Do I need to just acknowledge that His ways are not mine and I am not to try and figure it out? Absolutely. I am to pray for understanding and FAITH....to accept what his plans are for today and tomorrow.

Father, give us this day our daily bread.....Father, I am confident in you. Holy Spirit help me to be aware of my Father's movement in my life and the life of those I love. Jesus, thank you for your sacrifice so that I can talk directly to my Abba. I trust you. I have faith in what I don't understand...nor see...I just know your character to be unchanging...and in that I have FAITH in your love for us. Your will be done... Amen

Day 105: Friendship

Even my best of friends can hurt my feelings. In a conversation when I'm excited and can't wait to share with them, but in return they appear uninterested. Sometimes it is difficult to discern if they are just having a bad day, thus their abruptness and seemingly condescending words. Or at least that's what I percieve...but where does that come from?

Satan steps in and keeps me up at night rehearsing conversations and causing me to begin the blame game. Thinking of the times I was corrected in my actions and wanting to show others their inperfections as well. Loss of sleep is frustrating. My mind can quickly ease into the deceivers playground.

Then the graciousness of the Holy Spirit brings a peace when I call on Him. The Lord's prayer begins to run through my mind as I focus on what ever is good and honorable. Thanking God for my friends and praying for them. Realizing that no one is perfect...especially me. Asking Jesus what I can do for my friend to bless them and encourage them.

This morning's online devotion includes
"There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" (18:24). That friend is Jesus. He promised us, "I am with you always, even to the end of the age" (Matt. 28:20).

I want to be like Jesus in my friendships. I want to be close and intimate with Christ as a friend.

Lord, help me to be like you. To stay close to you so that I can be close, loving, and forgiving in my friendships. Thank you for my friends. Be with them right now. Encourage them in a way only you can.

Amen.

Day 104- Love at a Sacrifice

Cyber Monday-everyone is looking for a "deal"...a purchase with little sacrifice.

After a very busy two weeks, preparing for gallbladder surgery, recouping from surgery, the joy of Thanksgiving with the children home and family for dinner, and preparing to preach Thanksgiving weekend (5 venues) I have been so keenly aware of God's faithfulness...aware of the gifts he has given us...overcome to the point of tears with His goodness.

• 29 1/2 years married to a man I still adore
• a beautiful daughter in law that loves my son unconditionally.
• a son that leads a vibrant growing ministry and aspires to do what he does with his whole heart for the Lord. Such a teachable spirit.
• a son that is passionate about his dreams...sensative...focused.
• a daughter that loves the Lord with all her heart and seeks his will and desire for her in all aspects of her life. A daughter that is strong, oh so strong
• a mother that has taught me to be a strong woman....she has modeled commitment to family and sacrificial love.
• First hint of mission support for our future

Evan now I have tears in my eyes at the goodness of God. How could he love me so much? Me.

And at what cost did that love come? It came with the sacrifice of Jesus. Fully God and fully man. Man meaning he hurt...beyond what I want to think about...when they killed him on the cross...tortured my King.

What is my sacrifice for Him? I believe we are called to serve the least of these oversees. Child head of households. But I pull back at the cost. I want to follow Jesus with love and joy. I'm afraid of the sacrifice of not being with my children. God, I can't imagine that seperation. But you know that don't you. You were seperated from your son for a short time as he bore my sin. That was excruiating for him and you. But, you did that becuase you loved me. You sacrificed for me because you love me.

Kroll writes in today's online devotion:

2 Samuel 24:24 (ESV)
24 But the king said to Araunah, “No, but I will buy it from you for a price. I will not offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God that cost me nothing.” So David bought the threshing floor and the oxen for fifty shekels of silver.

When David went to build the altar and make the sacrifice, he was presented with what seemed like a great deal. Araunah offered to freely give him both the land for the altar and the oxen for the sacrifice. But David rejected his offer. How could he make a sacrifice that cost him nothing? The two were incompatible.Too often when it comes to sacrifice, Christians are looking for a bargain. We want the most sacrifice for the least expense. We wants lots of gain but little pain. Yet such a combination simply isn't possible. A sacrifice is only worth what you pay for it.

If there is no cost on my part how can the sacrifice be as sweet?

Lord, make me aware of the sacrifices I make for you...financially what we will give to benevolence Thanksgiving offering....financially to align our future with your desires...time to be with you sacrificing sleep...

Oh, "Here I am to worship. Here I am to bow down. Here I am to say you are my God."

May I demonstrate to you with sacrifice how much I adore you my God.

this is the air i breathe by hillsongs with lyrics

I love this song...It reminds me of how important God's word is to my very existence. It was sung at my ordination. It feeds my prayer life.

Abba, your word is as essential to my life as the air you give me to breathe every day. May I gasp for your word as I would if air were deprived from me. You are mighty, sovereign, and all sufficient. Amen

Day 103: I can't...God can

It's been a great week and a challenging day.

Began a ladies day group, "Lord, Teach Me to Pray in 28 Days" and also had my first Discipleship huddle last night. What a blessing to my spirit.

Today I'm praying...coming before the Lord and asking Him to be who he is and help me to step back and be who I am. He is God and I'm not. He has the future in his hands, I don't. He is omnipresent, I'm not. He is compassionate and can move in the hearts of people seeking Him, I can't. I can pray...I can talk to him, I listen to him, I can seek his face, I can be assured he sees me and hears me. He can do the miraculous.

Lord, move in a way...in a way that is you.

102: Manifest presence

190

A busy last few weeks! Vision Sunday - amazing celebration of 11 years for Coastal Community Church, staff training in Creating Culture of Discipleship in SC for a week, Ladies Retreat this past weekend, and beginning a new LU term with 40 students. All good stuff but I'm a bit tired. Tonight we go to Newport News for a state missions dinner where Lonnie will present a gift from SA to the VBGB. Whew...

I'm excited that I begin a new daytime Bible study tomorrow morning and meet with huddle for first time Wednesday night.

Bec and David came home for a short less than 24 hour visit but she said she just needed to get out of Lynchburg:) It's been stressful with school, rehab, and sport. Funny how they sometimes just need to re orbit back to home for a quick refueling.

Mike's team in preseason were Gold Medal Champions this past weekend!

Kelsey traveled with us to SC and is going to be an amazing part of the ministry staff as James' wife. She contributes so much.

Soooo, What's God been teaching me? Lots! But the main thought this morning is His manifest presence. His presence that shows his imprint in my life. Times that I am so close to him that I can see him working. Times that I am so close to him that he allows me to see him in my life. He is always with us...that is his character...but there are times we witness his manifest presence. And oh are those times sweet...and empowering.

Last week in SC several things happened. After a time of prayer for our time a Pastor from another church (Connecticut) Duan, said...he felt impressed to tell me that God would be revealing something new to me...an ability...gift...something..in me that I was not to be afraid of... Then as the conference was closing participants are standing in worship and the training team members come by to pray for us. I had been standing for a while and praying specifically about what we had learned, about our future in SA and also about something we had heard about at the training...Missional Communities...that go out in the neighborhood and serve. I felt very impressed then to go to a community...under-resourced near Glenwood...and begin ministering to the children there. Several scriptures hit home...that we are going to Samaria but God wants to train us here in our Jerusalem. Also, one morning in my time with the Lord this scripture was impressed on me~

So He said, "These are the two who are anointed to serve the Lord of all the Earth."
Zechariah 2:1

Back to the prayer time...as I was praying I was thinking, "God if this is all about me it is not what I want. I want to be on mission for you. I want to move forward where you want. If you want this MC then please confirm that for me...help me to see you" Well no one had come to pray for me so I said, "Lord, if you are there please have someone pray for me and know what it is that I am praying.." it was bold! But the Lord heard me. As soon as I was getting the words out...a hand was in the center of my back...Oh I even now have tears at the thought of that moment. A sweet voice began to pray for me and her prayers were my prayers...oh my...the manifest presence of the Lord came and touched me through this prayer. She didn't know me. We hadn't spoken during the conference. She knew though through the Holy Spirit that I needed the words of she was praying. "Mission.... peace....ability to move in a new direction..."

Lord, help me to communicate well what I sense you doing in my life. Thank you as I cried out you came close in a specific way to me.